You told me I was beautiful,
That you'd kiss every scar,
That you could read "die",
But it was very hard.

You told me I had worth,
I'm NOT a walking corpse,
You told me that I'm something,
But you're not a reliable source.

It hurts
You feel empty
Like no one will ever know

The pain is crippling
Takes you down in a moment
Impossible to stand back up

Where's the light at the end of the tunnel
The rainbow after the storm
The color in the picture

It's all gone
It's disappeared
It's empty

But you have to stand up
You have to hold your ground
You are important

There will be a light
There will be a rainbow
The color is still there, just open your eyes

Stay, stay, stay.

They see the face,
the cheeks,
the black wings above my eyes,
the smudged red lipstick
and graphite on my chin.

They see who I am
on stage,
every monologue performed,
every perfected scene,
every bow when the curtain closes.

But the curtain never closes in my ever cluttered mind.

This is who I am on the outside.

They don't know
how my mind warps
and contorts
into a black nothingness.
How my obsessive thoughts
consume me entirely.
I am my struggle,
I am every tear shed,
every fake smile, every coy response,
steadily winning,
slowly losing.

Hell, I don't even know who I am.