It’s about your inflexion
and how you deal with rejection
how you go straight to deflection
cause you never learned about confession
only perfection by selection
since you refuse all objection
like you need to have protection
like you can’t allow inspection

So wonderful
Yet so easily severed
The bonds that ties us
I wish they'll last forever
Because not being with you
Will only make me sadder

I lust for those who are similar, for those who have pieces to add to me and i to them. The rage of being alienated, the smile of greed, laughing for attention; the circle to be in. I hide from myself but i long for i try for the life;  the fast life.

Loneliness, you, the great misunderstood privilege,
You, oh terrible and gut-wrenching luxury,
To face that expansive, internal abyss,
And to know myself, wholly,
In deepest despair and boldest bliss.

Slow motion memory, you intricate skill,
Towering and dangerous like waves of wine's sea,
Decanting your motion and learning to savour,
Sweet moments of wonder, drunken and divine,
Show me myself in my buried behaviour.

Like those magnificently lonesome trophies -
      once hard fought for
      with all our might and capacity
      and then left to rot on the rocks;
      abysmally, in perpetuity -
all laurels and triumphs get jaded and weary
dominions faded and supremacy sickly.

Every hard earned victory
      once immaculate and pristine
succumbs to frivolous, lame apathy.

The slick sheen gathers blemish
in barren whispers of ungracious hearts
      silently, firmly, surely
for once at the apogee
desire - the very impulse to aspire - furtively departs.
It is present during the ascent
but when the apex is won
the zest is swiftly defunct
subverting the very fuel to be peppy -
leaving us all bled, spent, petty.

There is simply no mystery or intrigue anymore
as passion fizzles out and gives up the ghost.

The lustre peels and withers
      forsaken, listless, tattered.

No wonder then
that it is baffling to be thankful
for something so ostensibly chipper
...yet dreary, hackneyed, ephemeral
under those glowing amber covers.

❉

Pursuit, on the contrary
is thrilling -
      buoyant, snappy, ****.
Powered by desire
      all consuming and fiery
it spurs us on
but then fretting comes easy
with every little mis-step
or importunate want.

We grieve in sleep as well
dreaming and planning
about what we lack
instead of wakefully celebrating
our sublime bounty
and prized treasure stack.

❉

Despairingly lost in notional worlds
we then innocently rue:
Why life is not distributed normally?
Why the negative skew?
Why is gratitude more arduous
than it is to accuse?
Or why winning seems spurious
and losing so disproportionately true?

Know then that desire is the architect -
      creating and perpetuating
      us and our countless worlds -
A crackerjack industry
of solutions, hopes and warranties
with inevitably concealed and crafty
toxic downstream corollaries
that make success seem pale and phlegmatic
      somewhat misty, a little tepid
while failure looms conspicuously
snarling viciously in fervid agony.

I awoke to a morning of such brief beauties,
How strange these new realities are,
I'm somewhat scared but would like to claim the euphoria,
On a daily basis I'm now leaving my own mind ajar.

It's a risk and I have been delving deeper by the day,
I never knew my own consciousness could be so foreign,
I've been introspecting since my youth but found new territory today,
There is a prospect that is positive or perhaps it is peril, when you cross the mind's old imperious margin.