It's the pilot light in the stove,
                                    the fireplace.  It’s the
night light in the bathroom,
                        the living room.  The
reflection in the mirror,
                  in the glass of my windshield.  The
      hum of electricity,
the sigh of the furnace.  

What do you mean I’m supposed to go looking for something that is constant?

The conjoined twin does not go looking for its sibling.
                 The brain does not search for the heart.  
The shadow always finds the body.  Gravity invariably
                                                    pulls the moon into orbit.  

The smoldering ache of loss
                  —hot like bubbling magma, bright like a solar flare—
                                                   is always there.  
Lurking beneath the skin.  The face behind the mask.  
                 Gnarled roots beneath the forest.

What do you mean I’m supposed to look for something that is a part of me?
Assimilated to my sense of normalcy.  Integrated into my DNA.
I can only do so much introspection before I go insane.

in all the delusions and
all the illusions
lies the unknown.

i am not a lost glove, destined to a life
without my other half.
i am the muddied coat of a child,
abandoned on the playground,
lonely but created to be alone.

you may find me in the lost and found;
clean me up, take me home.
no other boot to be discovered,
no sock left behind.

i was whole then, i am whole now.

I open my eyes
And I see darkness
The darkness of the world
in its shadows
where the sins are hidden
and only whispered about
The sins of the victors
grinning widely
as they share the spoils
of the dusted cities
and build walls and camps
to bury their atrocities
And they feel just fine
robbing the naive and the poor

I open my eyes
And I see darkness
The darkness of the world
deep and shallow
where the feelings are forbidden
seldom they be abound
The feelings of loneliness and despair
even with people around
as I wander places many
filled with faces so empty
The places I’m ignored
to question my own existence
The faces may light up
in my perennial absence

I open my eyes
And I see darkness
the darkness of the soul
which was never loved
when just to be becomes a burden
on the fragile heart
that beats fairly off rhythm
and barely surviving
Sometimes the beat goes fast
An urge to end it all
All that is this heaviness
living rentfree in my heart
Sometimes ending it all is to grant
peace to the parched soul
to grant freedom from this world
slowly running out of love
Running out of hope and joy
To this world I wish I never come back

I close my eyes
And I see the darkness
slowly fading away by the light
at the end of this torturous tunnel
patiently waiting for the kiss of death
As I feel the life escaping
numbingly through my veins
A sense of relief hovers over
my heart, it can finally rest
No more sadness
No more pain
No more agonising over the times
spent in vain
The light brings a sense of calmness
As I close my eyes one last time
One last gust of breath
And there I lay
where I belong
In the comforting arms of death

i am broke
i am alone

all i see is dust
in unsettling desire
in temptation
of a better place,
a better view.

I only really get like that for things i genuinely care about—
I don’t care about poetry,

but i do care about you.

And a lot of other people.
So when i speak genuinely it comes off that way