Did you notice this lipstick I'm wearing?
I know red is your favorite color
Did you notice I filled in my eyebrows
Just for you to ask me out
Did you notice how I went to the gym today
And everyday
Did you notice how I didn't get the extra large fries
Or how I skipped dessert
My stomach is growling
But not for food
Did you notice this new underwear I'm wearing
It was 8 for $28
This concealer I'm wearing is $30
So maybe it can cover the bags under my eyes
From when you didn't text me back
Notice me
Because I notice you

my face,
full of acne and blemishes
my *******,
not as perky as you want it to be
my skin,
full of scars and not milky white
my hands,
very rough and blemished
my stomach,
looks like i'm pregnant
my legs,
have no thigh gaps, no toned legs
my feet,
callouses surrounds it

even if you tell me it doesn't matter,
it does for me
you always push me
to be the person
i'll never be

I know her by name.
I know her by face.
Only, I don't even
know her at all.
I think I've seen her
once,
and for once
I wasn't disappointed.

We are so much alike
only she has brighter eyes.
We are so much alike;
So, I figured
from black and white
I could be pastel--
faded bright.

We are so much alike
only she drinks psalms
like the preacher's wine.
Before I abandoned religion
I used to kneel
and break bread every Sunday, too.
So, I figured
I could still be as holy
if I clapped my hands together
and whispered litanies
on candles burning outside chapels—
faded light.

We are so much alike
in the way we love
books and music,
anything aesthetic.
But, I am wrapped in tin foil
and she dons silk and laces.
Same filling,
different faces.

And kid, I wouldn't blame you
for craving
the same flavor
in different packaging.

We are so much alike
only, compared to her
porcelain China doll skin,
I am a witch's voodoo,
covered in pins and needles
piercing rough skin,
a cheap imitation—
a fake.

We are so much alike
only I'm lying
when I say we are
because she is pastel
paint in coffee shops
and I am crayola
vandals on the sidewalk.

And let's admit pretty
isn't anything I would
ever be.

It makes me sick.
Because I'm not like her.
I'm never going to be just

pretty;

Pity, that's all they ever want us to be.

She was in love, she thought he was not,
He was in love, he thought she was not,
None spoke as the distance begun,
For both are scared as the world spun.

Insecurities
I know I am blinded
Each insult you throw at me pierces straight through me
But still I laugh it off
It’s just a joke, right?

You claim it’s something to take lightly
But what about when you’re picking apart my every flaw
Making me feel more and more insecure every day
A never ending spiral of insecurity and sadness

You claim you’re a good friend, the best one I’ll ever have
But would good friends listen to my problems and pretend to be sympathetic
Then threaten to tell other people like its everyday gossip?
Causing me to constantly live in fear at waking up one day with nothing left to myself.

You claimed insulting me was something everyone does
But how have I now found someone who makes me feel beautiful without the need to pick me apart?
You claim I’ll never get anywhere in life, I’m not smart or pretty enough
But how am I now working my way towards a successful career

You claim I’ll never be happy, that I’m stuck this way forever
But how is that true when most days since leaving you have left me feeling lighter

My insecurities becoming smaller
Happiness is making itself home again
Evicting the sadness from its home.