No longer tracked in a dollhouse. A small spec from the view up above.
Heart erratic
Breath pumping
My confusions left unsolved.

No longer scavenging for booky ally ways for a quick huff and puff,
Fantasising about what I’m wearing as I **** myself,
Or when it would be most peaceful to inhale evil
Spirits.

No longer held on an invisible chain
Chained to my ‘friends’
That have accepted this mutual need
To be comforted not by what is said
But by what is given and pierced through the head,
Over and over
Again and
Again
For years
Four years
I knew not one of them,
But their smiles were kept green
And their eyes soaked in sad blood
Looking through narrow windows,
Thin lines of dim lights,
Pouring on lonely nights.
And that’s when I realised
Freedom is a slave sacrificed.

So if I must be chained
Let it be a chain
Hooked on loyalty
Truth
And love.
Let it be a chain
Flexible
And gentle
So I can find my way back
With ease.
Let it be a chain of strength
A chain that protects me.
Because I am no longer chained
To the idea
Of freedom in
Robbery.

Plenty of people
Pour their opinions on me
Find pressure pointless

a man
in the crowd
is a page in the book
one of the many
in a stack

a man
standing alone,
is a lost page, of poetry.

Sometimes, I have heard something back
from a sister or neighbour, something
from the past that makes me special, well

I'm no longer being driven around
the districts, behind dad
in a litter on the cycle rack

with barbs in my skin
which reflect the light
with royal allure

no, I am not colourless
although I don't have a fringe-tail
and no public, I drink

a beer with you
in The King's Hut café
and that's the king here

People stare at me
on the rare days
when I dress differently

Someone special
cannot be it for a long time
before people throng

around, chasing
away whoever is in the way
whoever lives or works there

neighbours are replaced
by guests and
they comment

on your role in the performance
that is your own life
and is it no more

if you are not ordinary
boring and showing
no one that you exist

only special
in the mirror
and the eyes of your loved one

have to find the center of a long alley
ice cream cones of last year, the craving
our way to the center, people buzzing over
so hard to guess the right thing of the wrong

lights are floating through the room, ghosty
at the center of the alley, we will find salvation
smoothen a path inside the snow of the past
frozen water, ice chunks, shannon, help me

have to find the center of a long alley
get me some ***** and a cake, let's go
eat it on-the-go, the best thing now is to go
your mental breakdown was the finest

for a long time, a long time, long time

Would you sink into the sand
or could you remain even on shaky ground?
On the elevation, could you stand?
When your hands touch the sky, can you stay earthbound?

If your entirety builds around others
are you those that you lean on?
Are your choices and mistakes yours or another's?
Are you a king or a pawn

Why do they expect me to be them,
when I want to be myself?
Why should I be another and not be mayhem?
How can you worship one and never accept yourself?

In the open field, there is more to see
than you like, poo and pimples

nothing private, trust no good
for anything, shame everywhere

because it's not a secret
in which you deviate, what you eat

which fears and diseases you suffer
how you wash and experience ***, when

you *******, have a miscarriage, cry
quarrel, are greedy, mean and unreasonable

or sweet, everything that is wrong with you:
someone who can be missed very well

or needs to learn a lesson – for mercy
there are mirror places for that