She's been next door
since my birth
and you may wonder how that
is even possible
when I am four or five years older than her.

I met her at a time
in my life
where my world changed,
and in this change
I tried to live--
to live for anything.

In my futile attempts
to find purpose
to conquer the beasts
of mental illness,
she's been at my window
to see this eternal struggle of mine.

She's wonderful
completely and utterly--
of course this doesn't mean she's perfect
and even more of course she's far from it.

But maybe it's that imperfection
that has allowed
her and I
to have open windows,
open hearts,
and open conversations--
no matter the
Time zones, languages, or illnesses
we always come back
understanding each other
just a little bit more.

A million faceless vermin burrow deep into my mind.
They feed on broken sentences, and words I couldn’t find.

Your smile kills me
Because I can't see it all the time
Your heart breaks mine
Because it doesn't beat for me
Your scent makes me suffer
Because I long for it when you're gone
Your laugh makes me cry
Because I don't get to hear it when I wake up in the morning
Your pain makes me scream in anger
Because you don't deserve it
Your love has left me incomplete
Because I need it but can't have it

(Pre-lude)
(Talking)I see you moving on and it hurts, but I know it's my fault, could've done better... should've tried harder... I'm a better person  now ... I love you...and I'm sorry for everything...I never meant to hurt you...
(Verse 1)
Moving real fast we jumped right into it, moving real fast no questions ask, please be mine I'm lonely,
Change myself for you, I'm not perfect but I'll make myself everything you need, just give me a chance I'm begging for your love. Come back to me, come back, where are you, I'm asking myself is this destiny, no I think it's just me, pretty ****** up in the head, please don't yell at me I might just get anxiety, just like variety I might switch up on you, I'm mad, I'm sad and I'm bad.
(Verse 2)
Marching on with bipolar disorder I'mma soilder, tonka tuff, but I get a little overwhelmed when you talk to me, dunno what to say I freeze, got told to just be me, But all I see, is everything I will never be, anxiety, ******* with my mc when I step on the mic, I try to spit it, but ocd making me go craz-y gotta rhyme every single ******* line, gotta say everything on time otherwise noones gonna like it, it's gotta have the flow, gotta sound hella dope.
(Verse 3)
Being in love with you is kinda bad for my health, I hide my feelings cause I don't wanna talk about it undercover stealth...

He realizes the blackened lines with current sublimity
Enlightened in the chirping of minds.
The natural trembling feathery height of the summit.
In its shadow, she cries ever so shimmering sapphires.
The indifferent maniac presence of the flock.
Its silk ostentation binds their presence.
The softly padded cages of the birdcage minds.
Harnessed in the mystifying chamber of the skull.
The indifferent sorrow.

Silent
for months
Mute
with the inability to say much
Weakened
by the idea that healing had to be rushed
The soul is
Painted
with the idea that the heart was crushed
Bits and pieces of the muscle
Pierced
within itself
Lost
With no idea how to start a search
Tears
like acid
Set the body
Ablaze
like a Phoenix on fire
Feelings
It came out like ****
Oozing
from an infected wound
Plaster
Like super glue
Guarded
Like Cartier necklaces far too
Precious
to put at risk of hurt

the weather's amazing
my wallet's not empty
i have good company
i've never gone hungry
roof above my head
healthy and not dead


but where are you?

I was broken
After you left
I was doing my best to cling to life,
Even though I knew you would be back,
To knock me down again.
I hear you coming back
I can smell the reek of spirits
From the place I dubbed my sanctuary.
I hear you climbing up the stairs,
With your heavy footfalls,
And I brace myself, to be shattered tonight.
I meet you at the top of the stairs,
Not wanting to ***** my safe place.
After all is done,
Here I lay,
Completely Shattered,
From the hands of someone
I once loved.