One day you'll realise
That life is empty and hopeless
Whatever happens along the way to the grave
Doesn't matter - it is pointless.

You and I were born to die
So why live at all?
        Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
   To nothingness man shall return.

isn't it so painfully obvious
that's an illusion which your
wicked mind presents you
in a dish of fake hopes, on
a bed of lies, garnished with
lost time and impossibilities
and you, the misery-loving
dim-wit, devour it everytime
with your endless appetite
as you did countless times
before and you doubtlessly
will do a countless times
again and again and again
yet every single time, it will
be you, the misery-loving
dim-wit, whose eyes are
full of tears that are induced
by an agonizing, unforgiving
yet familiar ache placed in
your stomache as all you've
eaten was the emptiness of
cold, acrid reality?

I think I drowned today,
Swallowing water in my bed
As all the fish and trash and things,
Floated around my head

I saw the morning sun
Reaching through the sea,
Its light dulled by the leagues
Of water over me

The crushing depth of ocean,
Held me where I lie
And the quiet thump of waves
Told me of the beach and sky

It was then that I remembered
I knew how to swim
I flailed my legs, and reached my arms
Getting aches in all my limbs

But within a couple seconds
I saw with disbelief
I only sunk down further
Towards that rocky reef

And all the people, I used to think
Would pull me out of that deadly sink
Were nowhere to be found

But I knew in my deepest mind
I cut apart the rope that binds
My life to those, that stood on ground

A swordfish swam around my body
And stabbed me through the heart,
My lungs filled with blood and salt
My screams tore my chest apart

The folks in boats above me
Couldn’t hear me cry
The bubbles of my struggle
Breached the surface with a sigh

They say it doesn’t matter
If it’s six or sixty feet,
But had you been with me today
You’d likely disagree

I have never seen a real autumn
But I imagine the leaves
Falling one by one
All crisply brown, not green
Just like my hopes and dreams
Even if I try, and tried I did
To pick them all up again
But more would fall slowly, but surely, down
And all my efforts were in vain

As I hold your hand, I can’t help but think
This hand had held another with the
same tenderness and care
Which I thought only we share

As I kiss your lips,
I can’t help but think
Had those lips kissed another
with the same passion and need
Which I thought only I could fulfilled

As I tried to hold you
Close to me, the way I used to
I can’t help but think
Someone else had held you the way I do
Two hearts beating as one
When that heart should have only been mine

So I pulled away
when all I ever wanted again
was to be close to you
so you could relief my pain
Now I have nothing to hold on to
except the pillow by my side
and the broken dreams
and the lost hopes
And so it seems

Autumn is gone
Winter has come
I am in a dark, cold place
Living in an empty space

Done with all the negativities,
Done with fake people,
Done with this winter,
Done with you,
And, done with my life.

I CONTINUE TO TRY TO CLIMB FROM THIS PIT OF DESPAIR, WHILE REALIZING THAT THE MORE I CLIMB TO THE LIGHT THE FURTHER AWAY IT MOVES FROM ME.
MY HEART BEING SHATTERED PIECE BY PIECE, SO THAT I MAY FEEL EVERY NICK OF PAIN.
THOSE I HOLD DEAR, THAT HURT ME THE CLOSER I PULL THEM TOWARD, BUT THE PAIN OF PUSHING THEM AWAY WOULD FEEL UNBEARABLE.
IVE BEEN TEMPTED, AND HAVE FELL TO THAT TEMPTATION, TO MAKE THE ONES I LOVE MOST HAPPY, EVENTHOUGH I KNOW THAT AT THE END,
THEY WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE REASON I SELF DESTRUCT.
My deepest sorrows have been caused by those whom I could never picture myself being without.
Though at the end, I know I will be left even more scattered than before, those same people feel perfectly in place.
I yearn the attention and adoration from those who could care less about my happiness, yet I feel loved.
Eventhough they have made my life a living nightmare, I just wanna be the reason they sleep well at night.
WHY DID I EVEN THINK I WAS WORTHY OF THEIR ALL? THERE HAS TO BE A REASON I ADORE THEM SO HEAVILY. WHY WOULD THEY EVEN WASTE TIME ON SOMEONE LIKE ME WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS WHO CAN DO MORE FOR THEM THAN I EVER COULD.
TO BE WORTHY ENOUGH FOR EVEN THEIR LEAST, MAKES ME FEEL THAT I AM SPECIAL TO AT LEAST SOMEONE, THOUGH IT BE SHORT LIVED.
Eventhough you are the reason these tears are forming in my eyes, and my vision is getting blurry, even being that you are the reason I’m lower than I thought I could ever be, I still just wanna be the reason you smile.
I wanna bring warmth to your heart in this cold world. My heart beats to bring you joy, because just you being happy, is the reason I can wake up and say that I have a purpose.
MY BODY, HEART, MIND, AND SOUL ARE IN AGONY, BUT IF THAT MEANS THAT YOU ARE JUST A SMALL BIT SATISFIED. IT MAKES ME FEEL THAT IT IS ALL WORTH IT.
AND HONESTLY, AS MY TEARS DROP ONTO THE SCREEN AND IT GETS A LITTLE HARDER TO BREATHE, I WILL DO IT AGAIN, AND WOULDNT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.

When the world falls upon you and more,
   To gaze back,
Eyes glazed over the destruction.

The heart bleeds as if cut a thousand times,
And bleeds some more.

As to the beating tune beneath,
   It rages on.
...and so does the war.

The fight with oneself,
and the carriers of the pains you've now taken for granted...

There's only so much earth to break.

   Spread these ****** bones across the fields of my unvisioning,
Blind wakes close behind...

Warpath, I have taken.
   Shaken, is the thought of finding peace, again...

Until my end.
I will fight.