Im not gon' write a poem about you.
Uh uh.
I'm not about to allow you to make me FEEL
And allow you to fill
Me up
In such a way that my subconscious has to throw you up and onto a page
Nope
I'm not about to write a poem for you
Nooo siree, you see I've made that mistake
Prior.

When I was young and silly and hopeful.

I went and bought a fancy pen
The kind that writes so smoothly and makes my cursive extra pretty, but you know it bleeds?

I thought the ink that dripped from MY pen once it soaked through
It would sort of seal  us in the paper
Like I said, I was mistaken so
No.

I'm not about to write a poem for you TOO

And just leave myself exposed?
I mean who knows
if I replace those little tiny "o"s for hearts over my "i"s when I dot em that soon you could care less
For the stress on my esteem after you're mean leaving the apples of my cheeks with salty tears streaming down them
So naw'l
I refuse to tell the world how you made me blush when your lips found them.
Or how we had so much in common
It was raining but we just kept walking
You made me laugh until I was coughin'
I ain't gonna do it
I've learned its better to not let you soften-

my heart

But instead I mold bricks
cause it seems noone wants to actually bring any GOOD to it.
Seems 9 times out of ten all they want to DO
Is to do IT
when all I want is you to put
my hand in yours and stare into my eyes and search my heart and not my thighs
I'm not gonna try

And make this something more than what is was.

Just because of what I felt the warm and fuzz of flirty words spoken over Patty melts?
It was nice.
But I dont think that warrant's you a poem.

Not an admonition of my humanness
Not another proclamation of my foolishness

for allowing myself to think,
dare  I say hope
that those two hours of my precious life were 2 not wasted?
And Not worth the energy for me to store the memory
in the best way made for me to preserve it?
A poem?
How am I supposed to know that you deserve it?

But how can I resist within that moment?

After reflectin' on my day I find my mind keeps
pressing replay
on those two hours in Ferndale
And how we talked until nightfell.
Forgot to feed the meter cause what is time?
Hell I was frozen by you, guy.
I digged my nose into your life and just kept goin.
  
You had the audacity to inquire about my dreams and all my passions
and what makes me get up outta bed every morning

So I HAD to ask you back

And I listened
And I enjoyed what you said
And as we parted ways I had to immediately LIE
and document it in my head
Under "non-important"

It was nice

But don't let yourself get excited

Felt like I was on cloud 9 but gotta hide it
Come off the high
Cause what if in the end it's unrequited?

and I'm upset with you
Regretting you
No.
HATING you for letting me feel slighted
Yeah you tried it.

I mean YOU didn't.

At least not yet...

I just don't wanna write another poem that I'll want to forget.

In my mind I try to paint a colorful picture of you
But it always comes out black and white
I will never forget your eyes
for how they made my mind color blind

Chased we were into the dying woods
A mob of armored men on the crimson horizon
In all that I do, it was and is for the love of you

Fugitives are we
For what? A serious crime it must be
To fall in love with him and he to love me
Promised to another man I was
But I'll be ****** if I live a life without love

Jealousy of a man has derived
A bounty on your head dead or alive
And double the reward for my return
Every tender loving night with you
Will forever within me burn and burn

Bitter is the understanding
Between we two
You say to me "I'll never stop loving you"
Stopped in our tracks with a fruitless plea
He tells me to go back, that he'll always be with me
For he'd rather watch me from afar with another man
Than me be forever a fugitive in a foreign land

A stubborn gal I've always been
This argument presented, he knows he'll never win
I'd rather run forever or be dead
Than spend a night in another man's bed!

This hopeless romantic devotion
I am overtaken by fervent emotion
As a hail of arrows rains down upon us
I give my love one final embrace
And stare the reaper in the face

Every piercing blow testament of my intense dedication
I knew this love was not without ramification
His beautiful body I shield with my own
These dead woods will forever be my home

it's so ****** up but
I see him in you
same face, same hair
but the eyes
the eyes do not lie
and he is not in your eyes
i miss him a lot.

Everything changes.
Either they become taller or shorter;
too thick or too thin;
darker or lighter;
excess or deficiency;
Too much love it feels like I'm going to burst my heart out or too empty
--I think I am deflated bright yellow balloon.

They change on a new sheet of paper;
and I estranged.
Thanks.

I'm a Disappointment.
I'm an Eventual ****-up.
I'm an utter *******.
I'm not Dead.
Yet.