Some nights I find you
on the ceiling, while I lie in bed.
Your face looms over me,
a haunting memory.

Some nights you're in the blankets,
the same ones you once touched,
and I swear,
they still have your scent.

Some nights, truly bad nights,
you reside only in my mind.
Thoughts of you intertwine with my nerves,
they send my system into overdrive,
they attack so forcefully,
I am left gasping for air.

Some nights,
it's crippling flashbacks,
glasses of warm milk
while curled on the bathroom floor;
my attempt at self care.

Some nights,
sleep feigns peace before transforming
into horrid nightmares.
Tears spill, screams emitting,
I drown in vivid images of you.

Some nights,
I cannot decide whether being awake
or being asleep
will cause more pain.

(d.d.b)

The valleys too deep
The dark is too black
The road is too long
But there's no turning back

The road's been chosen
This burden to carry alone
The choices I make
I try to condone

Asked once how many I've saved
I looked up not knowing what to say
I can't remember them, the ones that live
For the saved are not the ones that stay

Six is the number I lost
Six that I revisit each night
What if something was different
Did I do it all right?

Six is the only number I count
For they are the ones I see
The ones that haunt my nights
The ones that stay with me

It's beginning to feel like this house is haunted
For you are turning into an unfriendly ghost
I've tried to give you everything you've said you wanted
Hoping that it would pay off when I may need you the most

Yet I think back to all those times when we were kissing
For I love how it felt like I could touch your soul
But now when I look at you it's like your soul went missing
Forcing me to see that I've failed to play my expected role

For it's about that time of year
Where every home seems to be filled with love
While ours seems to be filled with my fear
That you want to fly free like a ghostly dove

Because it seems like our house is haunted
As I realize that your soul's silence was never a joke
For now you tell me that I was never the one you wanted
And I feel devastated by the words of which you just spoke

Oh my love it's now clear that you are a ghost
For I thought that I had your heart in spite of it never being there
And now I am a soldier who stands at her post
To keep my heart from shouting things like, "How could you not care?"

Or from screaming, "How could you have kept this hidden?"
When you made me think you loved me so I gave you my everything
Oh yes believe me now when I say that any thought of you is forbidden
After I gave you everything and you leave me with absolutely nothing

For how dare you make me feel unwanted
When I worked hard to do the things you say you like
Maybe all ghosts like you have a special way to make a house seem haunted
Oh I hope God forgives me for telling you to take a hike

Because Lord knows that there have been too many nights
Where I prayed that your soul would come out and say boo
But this haunted house just like this love has no hope nor lights
After all the pain we have put each other through

Which leads us to now where I let you know
That it's better we both look for someone new
I'm forcing my heart to completely let you go
Because your absence now gives me reason to

Away from hills and away from mills,
Comes a child with no two eyes.
With its tiny hands blue and small mouth bled,
"There really can be no hope," they said.

It cries out loud, pulling at its rags
Carrying naught but stones and bones.
Throwing them with vigour (aiming at none!),
With its two eye sockets blind and dull.

But no people are there.

Naught but ghosts from antique towns
Resonating through the echoes of sand and crowns,
Shouting and laughing
Feeling not the stones,
Pretend to fall dead
As they chirp, chant, and dance.

~

As the memories distort,
A presence emanates from dust of broken mauls
Burying the ghosts in golden holes:
On beds of hard, cold, and mouldy bones
Whilst bestowing the child with eyes of ghost desert rose.

I am being haunted by what ifs and disappointing expectations.

tell me you did not just dream of me, my love
because this is the poison rushing through my veins
that our dreams have always been the same

and still they're haunting me awake.

I slow to a yellow crawl,
I watch the meadows filled
With bloodstained roses,
Beneath crystalline eyelids
I see the fire burns in all directions.

I rush a rush to nowhere,
Everywhere standing still.
I yearn to claw the sky black,
I speak in a the archaic language,
The sorrow understands.

I come forth by action
And spew tattered verses,
I sleep in the blood of dreams
And awaken in secular ******,
Alone with everyone.

The curtain closes on my being,
Neither here or there,
My steps like an echo
Chasing my future steps;
Only the words to me are real.