I see you’re gone. Turned your back again. Left me just that little bit more. It frees me. Frees me to write again. You see, I’d stopped. I didn’t want to affect you any more. I didn’t want you to feel compelled to come here and wallow in my pain. So I’d resisted the urge to write. But now you’ve severed that cord.  Were you set free? Do you feel this? I’d be surprised if you feel anything anymore. Ghosting me is your super power.

This place is mine again. For me to write. Alone.

When I am old and frail and weak
(And my bowels empty before the seat)
And I need to be washed and dressed and tweaked
I hope you are kind and understand
That this is what happens to woman and man

When my joints are swollen with grinding pain
And my skin is wrinkled, thin and plain
I hope you will see my eyes have light
And laughter and joy are my only delight

My thinking may not always be sure
But my love is the same as it was before
I am in a completely helpless state
And rely on you for my end fate

My world gets smaller each passing day
Little by little it ebbs away
So when you draw the curtains wide
I sit and see the world outside

The sky, the trees, the grass, the flowers
All moving to my counted hours
They wave to me with final breath
And I wave back before I rest

when winter is saying goodbye
our nature prepares for a high
all juices start flowing
the farmers start sowing
but the snowmen are beginning to cry

10th July 2017

To My Husband

As I watch your life, slipping away
We share all the things we want to say

We have time to reflect, encourage and love
To be grateful with warmth, to look beyond and above

We remember the good and laugh at the bad
And take time to listen and embrace the sad

It is a rich time, this time that we have
What has been, what is now, is what will be had

As your strength fades, and your eyes slowly dim
We look beyond the body you are in

When death approaches and your final breath taken
We know your spirit, will soar with elation

You will look at this world and say your goodbyes
And peace will take you as you pass through the sky’s

All the best for your journey
Your loving wife

I live in a world now where legend and nightmares are abound
And screeching and screaming are the only sound
Buried alive I don't think I'll survive
Please don't resuscitate don't revive
Please don't look, turn around just leave me to die
Everything in my life has gone awry
I think this my friend could be my final goodbye

Perhaps it was easy to fall back
into what it was,
what we were...
An almost-friendship
acquaintance,
rather than what we could be-
like an almost-lover friendship...
no, that'll be a harder fall.
Because we never really had
any memories to forget, never had,
never will.

I am seeing 'this' for what it really is,
A fragile bubble too easy to pop
with single pin *****-
and the larger it gets,
the thinner it becomes-
as it goes untouched,
it will just vanish
into nothingness without any
trace of its prior existence.

And that's what it is, was...
a something sort of nothing.