don’t wanna make it weird…
but thanks for being real
I realize you don’t express feelings lightly

I won’t tell you “thank you”
Don’t wanna make it weird
Yet i am…thankful…
I treasure your trust
I treasure knowing you

It's a pain to say hello
to amicable strangers that quibble and bibble.
As tensions slowly simmer and mellow
into mutual acceptance, ties that ripple.

The cacophony of solitude is drowned out
by the salience of moments unnoticed.
Caught in the undertow of an unpaved route;
dirt, silt, rocks, mist.

It's a pain to have to learn
faces and names that one can barely remember.
People that stay longer than the clock hands turn,
who share, who probe, who concur, who bicker.

And the weirdness becomes a constant hum -
a droning of melodious monotony.
Invasive yet comforting like chewing gum.
A sort of rhythmic anomaly.

It's a pain to have to care
about these unknown variables that have become so known.
Of which changes you wish to be made aware.
Of which you congratulate milestones.

The ticking of time loses sound
while voices gain familiarity.
Roots thicken, spreading across ground.
Laughter. Insanity. Hilarity.

It's a pain to be grateful
for all the other pains endured.
After looking back at a meeting so fateful,
saying goodbye is much, much more

Nayi jagah thi, nayi silsile
Chord ke aaye the sare hum sare apne purana mele.
Pehli baat, mila hath,
Mene paya jese koi apna sath.
Din b din guzerte gaye,
Kal k anjan ab apne bangaye.
Per khusiya kaha rehti zyada din,
Risto me aaya tufan bhi.
Per kehte he wo dosti hi kya jo tik na sake,
Ha narazgi aayi thi dono taraf per itni bhi nahi ki dil mil na sake.
Me naraz, wo naraz,
Phir bhi jaha piche me chhut jati, teachers ki dictation me thodi dhil ** jati,
Wo pichese chup chap dekhti, aake nazdik jorse wahi dohrati,
Use pagal ko lagta me samaj nahi pati,
Kon bataye use, wo sunke mann mein me muskurati.
Per us din muje bhi kuch gehra samaj aaya,
Sachi dost bhale ** naraz, mene to phir bhi use apne pass paya

If someone I knew were to find my poems
Would they laugh mockingly
knowing the words were about them
never sharing in their emotion

Or would they cry
seeing my true feelings
how much they reflect their own
could they understand the pain hidden in the words

Or would they not care
carrying on with their life after seeing my worst side
Ignoring me now they know I'm not perfect
That I'm not someone who acts rationally
in the face of emotions
Instead choosing to dress up my emotions
in pretty gowns and dresses
to try blend them into the beauty of my life

If someone I knew
were to read the words of my worst emotions
would they leave me

Goodbye.
A final farewell to a chapter that’s ending.
A word that many consider permanent
A word that is everlasting

If we want temporary,
Trying replacing with see you later.

That way the door is left open
That way the chapter hasn’t ended
The page hasn’t turned

That way I know you aren’t finished with me.

my heart
coils and quivers
grotesquely,
reaching out and
stretching the taut skin
of my limp body,
until it bursts
in a frenzied explosion
of stardust
and flames:
a fire, set ablaze
from within.