She lied to me.
She wouldn’t stop lying to me.
She faked depression and cutting
just to get close to me.

I said it was fine!
I said it could be worse!
But I can’t stop thinking of it.
Thinking of her.

So much time wasted
On someone who didn’t care.
She said that I helped her
Through countless, scary nights.

But no.
It was fake!
Frances, leave me alone.
For mine and Jenny’s sake.

It's okay to not be ready. To want something but just not know if it's a good fit. Doing everything the right way also doesn't mean that it will all turn out perfect. Making such a permanent move can change your entire life. Is it worth it and will the change be painful? It's easy to stay in the same situation. The comfort of knowing what will happen everyday will keep a mind at ease. Yet, if change comes what will the day look like? The transition should be easy and without questions.  To live in fear of what could be equals emptiness. It could also leave one stagnant. The heart wants change but I'm just not sure.

Life gets so busy as children grow they graduate and get married. If we allow it..the world and people around us will shape our thinking. Seeing the way people treat you it allows you to see how they view you.                                                   If you accept their way of thinking you might allow the thoughts of others to shape who you are. With an immature person this occurs all of the time. Let's look at the slaves. If one person was afraid to learn to read the majority became afraid. The same with running to freedom...not all were prepared to run.                                           So they stopped others by telling on them so that they should not go. Some told when others were running. If those that ran listened to those that stayed who would have taken that underground railroad? I respect everyone's standpoint..yet, it is not the thoughts that I own an cherish. Your road is not mine to travel.                                               Although, my feet might burn an my sweat might pour from traveling my way. The lessons that I learn..I will use them to to make those that come behind me build a far better road than even I have traveled.

It is hard to tell everyone that needs to know the same thing at the same time. Without sharing it with those that might not need to know. Follow along as I take you on a short ride
I care for many. I am friends with few maybe just two. I trust none but my siblings. I would give my last if I thought that you not only needed it but deserved it. We have all had the same opportunities in life. With your extra, you drink, drug and ***. With mine I give to my children. I don't ask you for anything. We don't talk yet you feel comfortable opening your mouth to ask me for something. How dare you. I use to try to understand the thinking of everyone. I thought to myself, how can I help you if I don't understand you. I now understand that you are all about you. Uncaring, greedy and selfish. I am none of those, but I also owe you none of me. This journey has helped me to see that I owe you nothing. Does it hurt me not to help you? Yes! But for the love of my self, I will not. We all need someone sometime. But using people is not the answer. If it is not my sibling, children or real friend...don't ask for nothing! If you desire for things to change you need to change. Build trust, be there just to be there. Not because you have needs. I can't deal with over-grown people throwing their needs on me!

I use to run off of emotions, and things always worked out. Yes, my life is piratical, yet at times I do things that are out of my lane. I am not in love with change, I move with prayer. There are many times that my mind says go and Jehovah says no. So I work off of what I am told.
It builds my faith, endurance and trust in him.
I have many short term goals. All of the long term goals have been met. Raise my children, teach them to love Jehovah and love and protect my brothers and sisters. My short term goals are to make it in this system as I await the next. While it seems simple, you would really need to know me to understand, how not so simple I really am.
As my life changes, how strange things seem. So much time on my hands to sit back and just dream. Analyzing the lives that many choose.  That is because I am still young enough to make a whole new life of my own.
I have not seen anything that appeals to me. As we age, so does our common sense. I am grateful to Jehovah that throughout my youth, I had my children to fill my time.  I love my babies and I am so thankful that Jehovah changed my life!

If I know what you are going to say before you say it, you disappoint me. If you copy what I do and lack personality ...you disappoint me. I look at some people and watch how they watch me. You seem to be annoyed, yet you try to use my words. My actions you copy.
I don't understand why, you try to act they way that I do. I was born into this personality. I did not built it. Be who you are, if I speak to you, there is something about your boring little life that is admirable. So admire yourself. There are some that pretend that they don't need love, yet you ooze hate. Fact: you need love and were unloved as a child. Learn to love yourself, otherwise no one will love you the way that you need.
Ha, yes! You disappointment me. Are you always looking to blame things on others? Do you look for people to harass because you are unhappy? I hate to say it, but you disappoint me. Do you disappoint yourself? I know that you do, when you say things out loud, you hear if from another persons standpoint, then, only then, can you really hear what you need to.
This will allow you to better who you are. If you are a disappointment, things can change for you. Self help, work on you. Don't focus on me, I love me..funny, witty and silly! If you see something that you like about me or anyone, make it yours. I don't look good on you.

Minds are not changed by having the ability to control. Only actions are maneuvered or subdued. You imprinting fear upon her soul does not make her love you. It is also not a show of love from you. When you allow someone to move the way that they need and want that is love.  
Your fear of losing is shining through as your grip tightens. She sees you for the coward that you are. Your threats are going to put your silly behind…behind bars. If she leaves what will you do? Will you stalk her and try to make her come back. In her mind she will just be looking for the next chance to get away from you.
We cage animals not humans the actions of you controlling shows that you are losing. Not just your lady but your mind. Is this how you thought that you would be so crazy? Under that tension and fight there are issues that are undealt with.
Counseling changes lives and the way that minds think. It helps loose cannons become meek. Mild with thoughts of natural pleasure. It will help you get yourself together. If you were her would you stay or would you run? If you say that you would stay then we know that you are Cray Cray.
No normal person wants to wake up in fear. Not knowing if their mate is going to lose it. Then you lose your life. Allow her to be free to fly. Control is not love it is a hold from the unwanted.

Even as adults we are still learning things about ourselves. If you would have told me that if crossed I devour, I would have laughed.  I have never been a mean person. It seems that things get built up within us and we can only take so much. Once we get to a certain point some of that anger must be released.
Normally, I have the ability to release in a positive way. Ha…with you I wanted to destroy you. Not take your life. But hurt you until you begged for mercy. They knew that I was not a nice angry lady. I could be quite dangerous if you ask me. Someone one asked me, “do you get back at people when crossed.” My answer on the spot was no! I did not even think that way. Yet once you pushed me it all came out. I scared myself….even though no lies were told no life threatening danger was to unfold …cringing pain was coming. As time went on…I mocked you by calls. You answered as if we were friends. How could we be friends after all of the things that we just went through? I was not your friend.
As Cardi B says, “Be careful with me.” It seems that you did not heed the warning.
You went undercover hiding from everyone. Months later popping up in pictures with people that have a venomous, vengeful dislike for you. I no longer desire to harm you in anyway.
By the way that you are living you are harming yourself. I am going to take time to work on myself. I don’t like the fact that I am not a nice lady when angry. But while I am working on me…my advice to you is to stay away.