Tell me
The first time you met
How your stomach spinned
How the butterflies danced

Tell me
The first time you talked
How you fidgeted on your own
How you stuttered with every word

Tell me
The first time you touched
How your senses aroused
How your heart wanting to burst

Tell me
The first time you dated
How the billion of stars aligned
How the lovely moon smiled

Tell me
The first time you kissed
How time momentarily stopped
How magical, ephemeral it felt

Tell me
The first time he forgot
How betrayed you felt
How petty it seemed

Tell me
The first drop of tear
How you tried to wipe it away
How you acted okay

Tell me
The first time he lied
How hard you cried all night
How you forgave the next light

Tell me
The first time you fight
How he screamed so loud
How you hide like a child

Tell me
The first time he tried to break up
How your heart almost stopped
How you shamelessly begged

Tell me
The first time he walked away
How you cried in despair
How heart broken you've been

Tell me
The first sign of fading away
How the fire slowly loses it’s spark
How the story unfolds a twisted plot

Now tell me
How nights were so long, sleepless
How tears were almost blood
How dumb and numb and doomed it felt

Now tell me
How you handled the pain
How you remain “in-sane”
How you stitched every broken part

Now tell me
How time has nothing to do with it
How moving on was so hard
A state of mind, a choice

Now tell me
The moment you let go
The moment you forgive
The moment you walked away

-of memories
-the people specially him
-from the past, the pain

Now tell me
How freeing it felt
How the burden was lifted
How the heart was relieved

Now tell me
The moment you smiled again
The wicked grin “i’m over it”
The moment you’re living again

Now tell me, after him
The first smile
The first life
Ahh, much sweeter, better, genuine

Now tell me
That you learned a great deal
That you are stronger than before
That “first love” will always be special

Now that you’ve told me your story
I know, i know, you’re over it..

It’s so hard to see you now
I finally know what to say
If only I knew it then
But my heart was so wary

The end of the road
Is not where I want to live
The way it all began
Is the memory I carry

I would have said kiss me now
But the battle in my mind
Wouldn’t tell my heart how
I built the wall I finally climbed

Now I want to say I want you
But you can’t see me
You have your own life
There’s no one else to marry

But you’re still my girl
And if you didn’t know
You do now
You do now

I would have said love me now
But the battle in my heart
Was not enough to win
There’s only regret I can find

Crying for yesterday
And if I didn't know
I do now
I do now

You were toxic.
Tearing me mentally limb from limb.
I though I could trust you.
Let you in.
That was my mistake.
You took my heart and crushed it.
Like it was nothing.
Made me feel like I was nothing.
Now look at me.
Finding it hard to trust.
Hard to love.
All because you were my everything.
And to you I was nothing.

Stolen kisses linger on
I can’t believe you’re really gone.
Shadowed figures cross my mind
Both our bodies are intertwined.
Hands gripping tightly around my neck
From the past night I won’t forget.
Gentle fingers caressing my skin
How did this all begin?
Flashbacks dance on freely
How can I be loving you so deeply.
Only a short time has gone by
Now all I want to do is cry.
Why did you have to leave so soon
I’m still staring up at the moon
The stars remind me of you tonight
They are shining oh so bright
They remind me of your eyes
As they dance in their disguise
I wish you were here with me now
So we can take our final bow.
Can I hold one more time
There’s no mountain we can’t climb.
You are the only one I love
Now all my feeling I shall shove
To the back of my mind to keep
Until the next time that we meet
I say my final words to you
Before the night is really through
I will hold this love forever
Nothing compares to when we are together.

Have you ever experienced
the disagreement between
your brain, heart, and body?
when brain heart and body just
outcry to each other
and then you lose?

I have once
when I had my firstlove
first heartbreak

I cried everday for months
everytime i closed my eyes
in the shower
in the bed
everytime i was alone
My brain told me not to cry
yes because i deserved better than him
because he didnt deserve my tears
but my heart hurts
i felt the physical pain in my chest
my body
that was the first argument between my brain, heart, and body

I loved dressing up and doing make up
I loved shopping
I loved watching movies
those all are my hobbies
but I stopped doing them all for months
I tried thousand times
because my brain told me that it was a good escape and healing
but my heart wasnt interested at all
and my body kept screaming to sleep

I loved sleeping
I'd rather spend my time to sleep
than play with my friends
but I couldnt sleep for 3 days straight
trust me
I closed my eyes for hours
but i just didnt sleep
and sleeping pill was my last choice

I loved food
but I couldnt eat for 3 days straight
I wish i was being over dramatic
but no
I couldnt eat not because i didnt want to eat
i wish it was the case
but no
Lord knows
i really wanted to eat
but every food that crept in my mouth
would be thrown out again
every single time
I just couldnt eat
literally for 3 days straight

My brain always gave the solutions that I really wanted
But my heart always seemed not interested
And my body rejected all the attempts that I did

that time...
I just didnt know what to do...
other than try to survive
and never give up to love
my brain
my heart
my body

Today marks the day
I realize something about myself
Something that i wish it wasnt true
Something that I never imagined for me to have an issue with
Something unexpected that could affect the rest of my life
I thought I could handle it
I thought everything was gonna be alright
I thought it was no big deal
I thought i would never be that girl
that girl who trusted his "live the moment, because this wont last forever" words
the girl who lived up to his "why afraid of the future when we can hold each other right now" words
that girl who put faith in his "even in the end it will hurt. it will all be worth it" words
that girl who believed that she was too young to know about forever
that girl who cared too much
that girl who loved too deep
that girl who spent months or years to move on

But i was that girl
And he made me realize that
love is not for a moment
love is forever

and I should not play with love
because i barely survive my first heartbreak

and i just realized it now
I am the girl who should love
a guy who knows about forever