Full disclosure,
My deepest fear is
Losing you.
Seemingly petty, but
The memories you’d
Leave me would be
A phantom limb,
Forever haunting me.

Kaleidoscope eyes,
They see the world in
Color, but they
Don’t see me.
Grey backsplash in
A city of rainbow;
The windows
Betray me.

A white witch
Stares at me in
The mirror, vile
And feeling loveless.
These lying eyes
Find bad intention
Everywhere I
Go.

This tricky brain
Plants seeds of
Doubt and jealousy,
Oh how they grow.
Hazel eyes green
With envy make
A generous
Green thumb.

For the record,
Playing victim got
Easier as my heart
Allowed itself to feel
All I’ve repressed.
It’s more convenient
To do the hurting
When I’m hurting, too.

Though I swear I
Never meant to enjoy
It so much,
Nor did I want to use it
On you. I
Am shameful of this
Power, and you are
Undeserving of the wrath.

Metamorphosis,
I will mold myself
Into a new being;
Eyes green with nurture
And lacking envy.
Full disclosure, I
Have you to thank for this;
Your arms, the catharsis.

A dark emptiness hesitates;
Autumn sparks a flame into the sky.
The creeping winter brings me
Chills, and the ravens of the snow
Appear far too early.

Keep Father Cold away for just a little longer.
These brittle bones can’t handle bitter cold
Until these wounds are cauterized and
I feel the warmth in my blood again.
Give me time to hibernate.

Buried to my neck in blues,
Melancholy threatens to swallow
Me whole like a whale
Out in the deep, blue sea.

Apathy waits on the porch,
Holding a mask that looks
Like a reflection. I’m too
Afraid to answer the door.

Disconnected wires and
Missed communications
Linger between the sheets
Like secrets cried out to
The bare walls of a home.
Standards float high
Above our heads
Like the dragonfly.

My own reflection
Slithers out of my
Skin to stare me
In the face and fib,
The most intimate
Kind of betrayal;
She is a quiet,
Cozen serpent.

Broken mirror,
I know you don’t
Want me, you
Won’t touch me.
Jagged edges too sharp
For affection, too tender
For your logic. I get
It; apathetic.

Vulnerability and
Exposed emotion;
I hide in shame,
Naked under white light.
You are too good to
Feel such things.
I get it;
Halfhearted.

Detached from you,
From body and mind,
Limb from limb.
Bare bone dare show its
Face to you, while
I cover myself with
I want. Uncertainty
Occupies my blood.

Cradled in the dream catcher,
I am in epiphany.
Tangled, but floating freely;
In a place no one can see me.

Convinced I’m the witch doctor,
Sent to Earth with two healing hands:
One to nurture fellow man,
The other to tend kindly to the land.

Two fish and the archer
Stand beside the sun and the moon,
And I am between the two
Dancing with memory and deja vu.

The yin yang fish swim infinity
Around me and whisper in my ear
Soul secrets to hold dear,
Prediction for every day of the year.

The yarn floor caves in, I
Free fall through the black hole,
Feeling exhausted but full,
With promise of being made whole.

Sparking that fire in you
Is a rarity; taboo;
Once in a blue moon.

I miss the feeling of being higher
Above all else, the only desire,
More special than any prior.

But it’s clear I’m just a factor;
And on this stage, we’re just actors
Waiting for a red carpet disaster.

I miss writing about you,
Immortality for just us two;
But I want to be remembered, too.

I wish I could care less,
Be a little more fearless
To lose that of which I’m blessed.

All of these words
And feelings
B                 o
      u
                 n            c
                           e
Around inside of me; the
Pen is my weapon of choice
As I battle myself to
Gather myself.

My grimoire;
Rivers of spilled ink flow
Through these pages as
My emotions follow suit.

It is far less destructive
To put lead to paper
Than to allow my inner
Demons to know reality.