as the question of my beloved one bestowed upon me,
I said no one,
But my heart said you
my eyes were filling with tears,
of unconditional love
I hope you read my mind,
cause inside,
I wanna yell
I love you
and when I do,
I hope you love me too

Most times I don't introduce you to the me I'd like you to meet.
Although it's anonymously unintended.
I've revealed the second chance of myself being hurt spiritually.
The experience of life.
All the people who offer beautiful smiles.
The recovering of a familiar face.
The hello of an imperfect flame.
Extinguished by the goodbye of loss.
The smoke left forever to roam.
Never to find it's place.
It becomes habit,
To keep distance.
Constantly moving.
Too scared to let someone new in.
Soon as someone new approaches,
The flame is extinguished & regret sets in.
I close myself off and smother everything around.
Wholeheartedly.
Soon as you get close that's why I pack everything up & run.
As much as you love my scent I am afraid that you'll use me until there is nothing left.
That you'll blow out the spark to everything that I feel is real.
Memories can be beautiful,
And it is for that reason that I cannot allow you to get close.
This fear the only comfort I feel is real

I'd give anything
If I could have her.
I'd give anything,
If she could be my world.
I'd give anything to be her man,
I'd give everything.

But she will never see me as more than I am,
A friend,
A brother,
A protector.

I will always try running from my feelings,
Taking girl after girl,
Always trying to make her jealous.

But it never works, and I end up with a broken heart.
And she has guy after guy, making me jealous every time.

I can't have her because we're too much like family,
Always close, but never close enough.
How cursed did I have to be to almost be her cousin?
If it were not for a summer love so long ago,
She would not even know me.

I wish I would never have even known her.
Like a whirlwind she came and did a number on my head,
Like a siren she calls but I can never run to her,
I can never indulge myself in her touch.
She teases without even knowing she's doing it.

I'd give anything to have never known her,
Because love never had is preferable over love always chased after.
I can never have her but she has me.

How depressing it is that I must tell you this,
If not you, then not anyone.
Besides, I would much rather profess my love to strangers than to the girl who unknowingly has my heart.
Even if she does know,
She must not think anything of it.

Because I am only her friend,
Her brother,
Her protector.
She will never see me as more than I am.

To be perfectly honest this was one of the more difficult poems to string together for the sheer fear of possibly jinxing it,
as there appears to be a pattern to every story involving a boy and me lately,
which begins with the same overrated butterflies in the stomach sensation followed by a poem,
sleepless nights, cigarettes, ***** and a tragic ending.
So having reached the poem stage my instincts and the part of my brain receptive to pain are already bracing themselves,
I can feel them clenching in my gut.  
As this three nights stand situation burns the lines between a *******, friendship with benefits and something to the extent of a budding romance,
my expectations are protesting against being so fiercely oppressed,
frankly they are getting out of control,
as the dislike of not wanting to be clingy, chivalry of not wanting to subdue to any labels nor the fear of yet another heartbreak itself,
are no longer sufficient to keep these rising hopes in place.
Ironically, when I think of you I think more of who I become when I'm with you, than actually you,
even though I do sincerely adore you. Very much.
I'm bemused by how comfortable I feel in my own skin,
naked and burnished, next to your warm, ivory touch.
Each time you trail your fingers down my body and take in a quick breath as if you were seeing me for the very first time,
I treasure the look in your eyes for later in the week when the going gets tough.
I idolize your rough, blistered, bleeding palms with all its calluses for they mirror my own much subtle bruises,
representing our shared interest, commitment, strength and transformation.
Your new found superpower to completely eradicate my necessity to socially smoke when socializing with you, speaks for itself really,
and we haven't even got to the laughter, the banter, the top notch sarcasm, the conversation, the warmest embrace,
breakfast ending in a ridiculously serious spectacle of coffee making,
which I thoroughly enjoy from the best seat in the kitchen wearing your shirt which fits me far more perfectly,
and the skip in my step as I head home.
So when the day comes for the revolution, of my expectations, overthrowing this rather tiresome governance of fear,
I just might pop the question, will you be my forever one night stand? ,
in the hope that you might just say yes...

keep your head
down don't look up
don't let him see
how much
you want him
close your eyes
don't give in
don't let him see how you
crave his touch
ignore his present
Hes just a man
forget his words
there just words
don't stop walking
let him pass by
don't let him see
how much
you need him
don't **** up
not one glance
Don't let him see how
cold you are without him
Catch your breath
remember
to him you're nothing
calm your heart
Slow its pace
he wouldn't take it even if
it was his for the taking
just run away
while you still can
don't let him see
how to you he's everything
head to the ground
don't let him see
how he makes
your mouth water
or hands shake
Or eyes flicker
or body ache
no you better not
it's safer here
In his shadows
At least when your invisible
you can pretend
he loves you too