Sometimes I’ll rouse, in darkest night, to a twilit form, bending over me, so closely we’re sharing the same still air. I never startle, I somehow know, even before I’m completely awake, that it’s not mortal.

This malevolent force stalks time worn halls like disease. It thrives on inertia and stress, it drinks in fatigue like a vampire devours blood and slowly chews on fragile-hopes until they’re desiccated and smell like rotten flesh.

This death like thing waits for each of us, in tedium, as danger hides in shadow - growling with sullen impatience to smother us.

It’s name is failure. Sometimes, I’m so afraid.

Here I am again
Cracked and broken
Heart ripped open
By the claws on the ends of my fingers
They are never coated in blood
A tidy sort of chaos
A mess-less, gutless dissection
Hollow space resides within
Emptied of everything
Shall we count the scars
Or will that bore you
To hear of the surgeries that came before
The operations and treatments
Self directed and self prescribed
By a med school dropout
Disgusting derelict defect
Split neatly into near halves
Tethered by a final pathetic stitch
That I am longing to rip
Free

The thorns in my side
I try so hard to hide
with humor, cleverness, even kindness
but after so long they are well-planted
like seeds they’ve taken root.

I am a man full of grace and gratitude
even changes in attitude
I float on great waves
in my wooden dinghy
precarious atop mighty waters
and angels visit
take me into smooth azure lagoons
where I reside in peace
even serenity from time to time.

I weep in great sadness
occasional fits of despair
drowning there
I swim up to gulp for air
leap and glide into the light
breathe mercy in my flight
pray for courage and gumption
but discover
I cannot stay afloat alone
so with abandon I dive
into bright souls whose hands and hearts
reach down to rescue me.
Some of them are thorn people too
battered, broken, and rugged
who’ve found the courage to change
the things they could.

I guess these thorns are there
to ******* up for air
to give me the zephyr of humility
the certainty of a love
that save me.

We try things
Some work
Some don't
Gift yourself
Move



© MJL 2021

Utterly Forgotten
They set out to make a man like you make a car in a factory
It was a production process starting at step one till the end
When you’re left with the finished product and the job is done
Step by step following instructions and designs and plans
Not missing a single bit or doing it in the wrong order
To look at the completed man you would be amazed
That he was made in a factory by human hands and minds
And not from some mother’s belly like normal humans
With the right tools factory and plans you can build anything
Including a human as this example shows standing before us
He can walk talk speak run jump dance clap eat drink **** and ****
Just like we can in whatever order is needed maybe even all together
But the man isn’t perfect just like we are flawed and imprecise creatures
He’s moody for no reason destructive for the Hell of it and stupidly fights
His bad language is terrible every third word a swear or curse
If he doesn’t get his own way he spits his dummy out and tantrums
He tells lies to everybody and some seem like the truth till revealed
Did we make this man this way on purpose to be an *******?
Just like your brother or friend or wife is the same type ****
Not caring about our feelings or his respect or where he is
Ridiculing all and everything even those who made him
Did we break the mould producing this individual human?
Do we eradicate him and start anew to lose the bad point
So we have an ideal male with no urge to swear fight lie
Or **** hurt injure burn smash crush ruin destroy till all is gone
We want one who smiles laughs loves jokes cares helps
I think we must start again and make an improved model
The physical body is fine but what’s inside is very suspect
Something important is broken and need completely replacing
If the next model fails and is broken we’ll make a dog instead
The first one will be killed and recycled then utterly forgotten
A flawed human male made in a secret factory plausible deniability