I love you more than you will truly, ever know. I am stricken with so much fear. I am so scared because, truthfully admitting, I have no certainty that I obtain enough strength to defeat this "monster". I can't stop hearing this **** on a loop in my head. What if I never break myself free, what if I am trapped inside my own demise forever? It's the most frightening thing that I've ever known, I have been too afraid to be anything other than still; so, so, still.

Deceit you speak all the while
Knowing I know and how I feel.
Thrashing scars upon my flesh,
God knows they'll never heal.
Mistrust and doubt,
Lies and hidden truths;
All the same and all coming from you.
It's all that I can do not to shout.
My nerves clenched tight,
Can't you hear them scream?
I say to you, you're right, as I
Try to bury my truest emotions.
Being who you want is merely a dream
Inconceivable madness;
Pure in love and intricate filth.
Already weary souls, encumbered with The weight of every lie.
White lies, black lies; colorblind
Lucidity comes without pigment
All the flickers of light;
Can't you see them?
They call my name and wish
To carry me away.
Love and lies and passionate cries
Have brought me to endless insanity
No one left to save me.

Love the one you hold
For I will never let you go
I love you for infinity

And the breath is taken from my lungs; Suffocating. Without your sweet, sweet existence my chest would no longer pace, nor would it flutter. The wicked sea would take me underneath, becoming apart it's density. Alas, I hear your spoken sound; For suddenly I am no longer bound. The air I breathe; a gift, from you to me. I rise afloat so effortlessly. My source of love, my choice in life, my happiness gleams, my hope a light.

Sail on, sail on
To seek the mystic truth.
Each wave bears my weight;
I am no longer a vessel of mass,
But a vessel measured in volume.
Victimized by the vile waters
Of this ever changing sea.
Swallowing briny salt water
As I drown.
Each drop, for at least one moment in time;
Has been the entirety of these swelling waters.
Magnificence fades, as fear sets in.
All concious thoughts and feelings alike; refused existence.
No longer our own,
We belong to another.
Ultimate force
Quickly releasing, the last oxygen rich breath to ever fill my chest. Lungs feel as if, being ripped at the seam.
Triumphant failure, the body lacking to compensate.
The pressure's immensity meets capacity.
Comfort & ease soon wash over me.
Ruptured organs ironically,
Free us from pain and suffering
A beautiful defeat,
Beneath an imaginary sunset.
We sail on together
To paint the mystic blue.

Truly brave souls plunge into the dark-simply to learn how to find a way out.

It's been a long time
but the ink scrawls & lines all fall into place

an expressionist
glimpse into urban dreams

somewhere in the past
a typewriter sounds

someone is writing
a masterpiece

which will never
be published

in a land
soon to be bombs & flame

meanwhile my lines
make out the city of my dreams

On a shore flooded in the tide.

Now     on a         flitting            log:

Rain,     trying     to fill up
the ridges white,

that,      I,             along with
*****, snails and           tiny        starfish
are ambling to escape from.

The trees, they are       laughing wet.
As are the            distant           waves,
snapping on returns.