What if I'm sick of it?
What if I'm sick of the role you have so eloquently written for me?
What can I do if you are obsessed with colouring in the lines while I yearn to draw outside of them?
What if I go off script and say something foolish, dumb -stupid even.

What if I want to let go of it?
Let go of the loneliness that accompanies the burden of being perfect.
What if you realise that the higher you set your expectations for me, the further you will fall.

I am not ready to carry that responsibility.
I am not ready to be perfect.

The dog chewed
my Great Expectations,

of all the things to leave on the floor.

Not to say it's out of character

for me or the dog.

It's no surprise
that it happened.
Yet, I'm still left wondering:
What did I expect?

I am a woman
Who once was young
Before my phone wrung
Before my long days begun
I woke up with a smile
That lasted a while
My cheeks would sting
I was not worrying about any ring
The only thing was
Half the time it was only me.

I don't know
how they expect me
not to love you.
Someone so rare,
so wild
a mystery that'll never die

I am wading through some murky waters
That I have yet to understand
With sludge so thick and deep enough
It keeps me from dry land

Still, I try to power through
While keeping you all informed
Though this barrage of wanting to know
Is leaving me quite scorned

All I hear is "you have run out of patience"
And "surely I understand"
Well No, I do not, I am always compliant
Especially to a brutish hand

Throughout the years I have kept in line
And played the dutiful role
But shaking hands with Father Time
Permitted my mind to **** my soul

At times the struggle is so intense
That I cannot catch my breath
I strain and gasp to choke it down
Knowing you expect nothing less

By pulling rank, you shut me down
And add weight to my fear and doubt
You fail to see that I am grown
A mother who has earned her clout

Assumptions can be cruel you see
We both have made our share
I hope my voice of honesty
Helps us to finally clear the air

You are an added link in a long chain
That is weathered but still intact
Now, I am asking out of respect of that bond,
Let us please breathe before we act

I always think of different fantasies.
That you and I will be on disparate galaxies.
I can see us holding hands,
Walking on the obscure lands.
Making you feel safe and loved,
That’s all that I want you to have.

In a world full of doubt and uncertainty,
Your smiling face is my clarity.
Sadness, worries and emptiness,
All will be gone if there is cohesiveness.
You are my light as I sail into the night.
Even though I'm alone I know everything will be all right.

As I open my eyes in this dubious reality,
I will never be awakened by the truth and actuality.
I let myself be drowned with assumption and mendacity.
When can I wake up from this unrealistic insanity?

Where facts are visible and evident,
I still remained blind and confident.
Even if it's just make-believe,
I'll just let myself be deceived.

I am lost and I vow never to be found
I am sad and I vow never to be happy
I am alone and I vow never to be comfort by the existence of others
today I am all these things tomorrow I will be other things
I'll die as I close my eyes and be reborn as I open them

I am many things, therefore there are many things expected from me