i hate you
you concrete jungle
broken and jagged roads
that bear their rusted metal rods like ribs
the smells of sewerage always beneath your steps

smog and absurd dreams circulate through the veins
of infants who smoke clove cigarettes and ask with neutral stares
why are you afraid to die?
why can't you just live?
I will die asking why I love this city so much!!!
I will ask that my dead body be unceremoniously laid under the red Indonesian clay where countless unknowns were laid before me
bury me in Jakarta.
tell the single mom with the face I've always wanted to kiss
that I was only trying to feel loved for the very first time

I’m yearning for
a place to call home
but where’s home
when your heart is divided in two
when you want to grow old
where you were born
but a part of you
wants to set free
in the land of dreams

I’m yearning for
that warmth that
fills you inside that
makes you realise
that calling a place home
is finally part of your life
but I’m shivering
and home is so out of sight
and in my mind
the unknown is
eating me alive

I’m yearning for
a place to call home
I want to know
what it feels like
to be alive
in a time that
doesn’t feel like
you’re living in limbo
your entire life

I want to know
what it feels like
to know you’re home
for good
I want to know
what it feels like
to lie down at night
knowing where you are
is where you want to be
is where you can be
knowing that
where you are is home
knowing that
after years and years of
hard work
laws and grades won’t be
a worry anymore
knowing that
you can finally rest
you can finally breathe
you can finally say
“welcome home Iz”

I will miss the quiet, selfish nights,
spent among books and TV and music.
I will miss missing home
while feeling at home
in a foreign country.
I will miss my time being my own
to split between friendships, travel, or nothing.
I will miss the feeling of my own body,
free from the dirt of past indiscretions.
Free to be myself,
foreign though I may be.

There will be gloomy days when
you will look back at your old self
and think about this one choice you made that
changed your life in many ways
You will think about the day you decided to leave
You left family and friends behind
hoping to find a better future on the other side
You were young and naïve
you were that quiet kid that
no one thought could ever leave
yet, on that September 6th 2013
holding hands with Fear and Hope
you boarded a plane that took you miles away

There will be gloomy days when
you will wonder why
on that day Fear didn’t pull you aside
and tell you that life
wasn’t going to be as bright on the other side
You will wonder why that quiet kid
had this strong need to leave
You will look back in sadness
and grieve the loss of those happy times you took for granted
You will be drinking the same coffee
mum used to make you on a Saturday morning
and you will be listening to those songs
dad used to play in the car on a Sunday afternoon
You will grieve what it feels like a loss
of those you have always loved

It’s on these days that you will feel alone the most

Inside your head it will be as dark as the sky
on a rainy winter afternoon
and your eyes will be as heavy as grey clouds
ready to let the rain pour down

It’s on these days that you will grieve the most

Though, they say there is always calm after a storm
and no matter how brief it can be
you will eventually find some peace
and it’s within this peace that
you will find the strength to remember that
not everything is as gloomy as it seems
It’s within this peace that
you will honour that quiet kid
who is no longer as quiet as they used to be
and it’s within this peace that
you will celebrate their new life as a fearless kid

I can do this!
Or not?
I will be okay!
Will I?
I'm perfectly happy!
Am I?
I don't need anybody else!
Really?

Higit isang taon na rin ang nakalipas
Nang lisanin ang bansang Pilipinas
Upang subukan ang buhay
Sa lugar na kung tawagin ay Dubai

Naalala ang galak ng pagpunta dito  
Nang sa kalaunay puro na reklamo
Paano naman kasi ang mga Arabo
Minsan lang maligo sa isang linggo

Dagdag pa ng klima na sobrang init
Pawis mo'y abot hanggang singit  
At kung taglamig naman ay pumasok
Gusto mo na lng mamaluktot sa isang sulok  

Pagkain na amoy pa lang aayaw ka na  
Kahit gutom mawawalan ka rin ng gana
Babae nila'y nakasuot ng itim na bestida
Pati lalake rin ay nagsusuot ng palda  

Pero kahit ganun ang katulad nila
Gusto ko ang kanilang pananampalataya
Sa diyos na tinatawag nilang Allah
May oras talaga pag nagdarasal sila  

Akala ng marami buhay dito ay maganda
Di lng nila alam kami'y nangungulila
Sa pagmamahal na ipinabaon  
Ng mahal na makikita lng pagkatapos ng ilang taon

Tila ang bilis ng mga pangyayari
May mabuting resulta kaya sa bandang huli
Lahat ng sakit, pagod at pighati  
Mapagsilbihan lang ang mga ibang lahi

Kung lahat ng ito'y isang panaginip
Ayoko na talagang maidlip
Hay... buhay Dubai nga naman
Sana nga may patutunguhan...