later, i will go home
and i will not exist anymore
just as you wanted me to be
i am mute and i won't have eyes anymore to see
to see you
and how we were
and what we wanted, what you used to want
i don't except you to come and find me
you've made it all so clear
that i don't exist anymore
no, i do not exist anymore

Exist

I am a whisper in the current of time.
I am a lonely voice in a choir of billions.
I am a single note in the symphony of the universe.

The Aztecs believed that one died 3 times.
Once, when their body stopped functioning, another, when one’s body is laid in the ground, and finally, when the last person on Earth passes, or forgets one’s story.

One day, my story will fade like a breath on a cold day.
One day, my story will be buried under the infinite amount of stories to come.
One day, my story, like the final note of a song, will cease to ring.

But even though my story will eventually come to pass, it existed.

We existed.

Our joys, our struggles, our smiles, our tears - our experiences; existed.
Though there are many stories happening at the present moment, and you have a story of your own, in my story, you play a lead role.

So maybe in the grand scheme of the universe, we are small and insignificant,
But never, for a single second, doubt that you matter in someone’s life.

In my own, you will, and will always be, a part of it.

how can you be a perfectionist
when you always fail

how can you know the truth
but refuse to listen

how can you feel so moved
yet not move

how can you feel so bold
yet not say a word

how can you be so full of love
yet never love

how can you exist
without ever living

how can you be you
when you’re never you

I feel homesick for a place that doesn't exist.
I am homesick but I am at home.
Why am I homesick in my own home?
Where will I stop feeling homesick?
Everyone else feels safe at home.
When will I stop feeling homesick?
Do I even need a home?

there is
a hole
a space
an empty bracket
in me
waiting patiently
to be filled
like a junkyard
a ***** bottle
a sanitarium
a minute
after the minute
you read this
on every clock
and once it is filled
with all the particles
needed
I will rise
like a tiger
released from its cage
like a thunder
freed off the cloud
I won't even care
about the universe
because I decide how
the stars, the rocks
out of the black hole
collide and erupt
and nobody can
stop me from
breaking the lines
crashing the minds
of the constellation
to seek
something out of it
as it is just
a mere sign
that I looked
in solitude and
compassion.

There is a hole
that is
waiting patiently to be
filled in me,
there is.

The genius in the crowd
it does not mean that they are loud
sometimes, they look just like the rest
but they are here to create the chaos
to every star, every meteor
in the entire infinite universe
they are not supposed to keep tight
being remote and ideally fit everyone's sight
and chased away the adrenaline
to crush the convex of the serpentine
they will never cause any harm
the time and space will always be there
waiting for its monster to grab it
while bleeding profusely by just doing it
as the stop watch ticking, closing down
on everything but nothing
they realize and aware of the potential
of losing any remembrance at their disposal
as they divert everything away from the sunshine
you will weep and sink into the oblivion
of eternal shadow and spirit
letting all your troubles and mistakes free and
knowing they have not hit the stride at all.
The genius in the crowd
does not mean that they do not look like the rest.

There was a cotton candy
wrapped with a bleeding ham
on my spineless lap
the lady luck smiled at me
while handing me
a burning, fiery horseradish
and while I'm shaking
at the point of receiving,
I felt free and relieved.

I took turn
ramming it up my mouth
one by one
pieces by pieces
yes I did, I did
sado masochism
Sade barbarism
but it felt nothing
out of this world
I felt at ease, I felt at home.

I bit my lips and wanted more.
but nothing could have
satisfied me,
and I always knew it.

I command myself to do so,
so do I.

Death
knows no
victim
death
knows no
mind
death
knows no
regret
for everything
that death
has done
it is just
part and
parcel
of its
own
duty.

I wanted
I really
I really, really
wanted
to write
something
that is so
beautiful
something
that only
an angel
could think of
something
that blows
our possessed
crooked minds
away
something
that could
captured
the heart
of thousand roses
and rhinos.

Noting
on what I
am doing
at the
moment,
lies are
here
to stay
to feed
to satisfy
those with the
precious
unperturbed
untortured
minds
to congratulate
them at
the end
of their
endless quest.

I don't
remember
or
can quite
understand it
whether
all this
will drag me
into hell
or heaven
whether
all this
will lead me
to the tip of
the sky
or the edge of
the sea
whether
this is
a true love
or just
an honest obsession.

But
every single
morning
when I wake up
with you
in my arms
as I stare
deep from
the end of my
fiery eyes
to the end
of your
flowery eyes
there,

I knew it.

I just knew it
and
I deserve it.