I looked through a make-believe mirror today,

And saw what I have forever longed to see:

Myself in another person.



Our souls were of the same colour, and our thoughts swam at the same depth.

Our lips formed the same words and our faces shifted

the same way through conversations,

Even though I am a ship

And my reflection, the horizon.



As I am, so was my reflection cold and distant at times,

Though she was right next to me.



And I have never been good company for myself;

neither was I for her

For she was cold and I was cold

So she strayed towards warmth and

Away from herself

Towards a happiness that I could not provide.

She found it among other souls and

They made a rainbow through the night.



I found my dream and lost it too;

I see my reflection every day

But now my heart is broken.

If this is a safe space, then let me speak honestly for a moment

Because I’ve been wanting to disappear, and I’m trying to decide if I should vanish all at once or if I could let myself slowly start to fade away.
Taking my time with the goodbyes, as I’m hugging family members I’m watching my finger tips regress to their first knuckle joints behind their backs.

Going to shake an old friends hand and realizing I’m only able to offer them a short section of my forearm.  They try not to be rude about it, exchanging nice to see you’s and hope you’ve been wells.

Once I couldn’t see my arms anymore and my legs began to fade I finally felt fearful and maybe even regret..
I wanted to come see you before it happened for good, before there was nothing left to see. I can feel you looking for the parts of me that should be there, no hands to hold, no arms to hug you, my torso was starting to slim and slip away like grains of sand through an hour glass.

I felt my breath tighten, you don’t expect to feel your last pieces fading but this was hurting much more than I ever thought it would and I couldn’t let you see me like that so I ran, and I ran far.

Just as I feel like I’m drifting off I hear you call for me and I realize this was a mistake and that I never was meant to disappear or fade away, I was never meant to say good byes, at least not so soon, maybe not now and maybe not ever.

Turns out vanishing all at once always was an acquired taste and I had no pallet for it, there are no second thoughts. At least I’ve began to be okay with the process, the gradual fading has brought me comfort, but I could never leave here.. At least not without saying, goodbye.

we haven't talked for a while
and i know it's my fault.
i see all your words and i always wonder.
are they about me?
or someone else that i don't see?
i don't want to waste your time.
you have your life and i have mine.
i know you probably don't miss me,
but i don't want us to drift.
i know it's all because of me
and i should just let you go.
but instead,
i want to call you up and talk about everything.
school,
shows,
movies,
everything.
do you want that too?

Floating in the sea,
Drifting through the wind,
Without a destination.

Some may think it's sad,
But I believe it's freedom.

Stone were thrown at me
not the physical ones
but the verbal stones
do you catch my drift?
that voices that haunt me in the middle of the night
claw at my mind
they scream in agony and fear
do you see the unknown that i know so well?
time feels like a stretch
time is useless as it not?
they say emotions can control ones action
yet when my emotions are bottle up
they end up spilling from its cup
it's as if crimson flames lick my skin
anger courses through my veins
fueled by my own hate
I drift apart from the realm of reality
do you not see me hurting?
do you not see me drifting for reality?
i'm my own destruction
i have to set myself free
one day i'll see clear skies
as of now my skies are grey