i've asked "why" so often,
i forget that others do it, too.
i am only a small part of the Whole,
and i have my role to play,
to bring beauty to this world,
to bring a smile,
and maybe tears,
to touch the minds and hearts
of so many,
or maybe just a few -
and be content with that.
such is my peace,
and it is also my power.
once every great while, the universe
takes time out to answer,
"this is my canvas - let it be yours as well."
and i am humbled and honored together,
invigorated,
knowingly, purposefully,
a piece finding his home in the Whole.

If I'm wrong about God
I've wasted my own life

If you're wrong about God
You've wasted your whole eternity

Amen, Bless you, I love thee
You are the one who guides me
Whether you're fiction or non-fiction
You have given thy a direction

Another silent homeward
walk across the Orange Street
                                          bridge
and I wish someone were walking with me.
                               These nights grow long,
                               and the days keep blurring.
My hurried steps wander over seams
of the self I have stitched
                     together from the pieces
of the last few years and the friends I've made.
                     And I'll defend my route
                     until the curtain drops
                                                       again.
                     Awash in quiet, I wait in the wings.

Cast my eyes North and East.
Spring breeze half-waves and passes too quickly.
Cast dice and hard clenched teeth.
Losing bets and snake-eyed bitter apologies.

Now it's a warmish Wednesday
night. I swallow hard. Just
                                        then
turned a bend and halted in my footsteps.
                                these thoughts reach back.
                                Your face at my fingers.
Scars from a car wreck when you were young.
I know they always made
                     you feel kinda self-conscious.
I really liked them. Did I tell you that?
                      It's a moot point, sure,
                      but that shot still smarts.
                                                      Aga­in,
                      feeling like the awkward Oxford Comma.
Showed up late to the party.
Just a mark too far...
                     ...sentenced to revise.

Cast my eyes North and East.
It's gotten late. Guess I should keep walking.
Drink down this history,
losing bets and snake-eyed bitter apologies.

Cast my thoughts North and East,
and I wish that you were walking with me.

The bad feeling you had when you knew you should've stopped what you were doing.

                          Nervous                        ­sick inside
The bad feeling went  numb & you started to  panic

                          .          .          .

May­be since then, you've felt the supreme nausea, and kept it secret no doubt.

When no crisis occurs, are we all fools to feel relief?
Is to be caught in the act not  the same thing?

not as plain to see
the answers lie within your soul
perceived as instinct .

come walk below the blue, and white clouded sky,
let the web of our fingers touching answer, why....

lets make new soulful meaning to that old word called love,
lets open the cage of hearts and let loose, let fly the dove.

Of peace.
Of Muses.

lets take naiveté, be it our undoing, and roll with it in the dirt,
come take ours shirts off and heal the scars that once hurt,

lets find a healing sun, laugh have fun, leave the world in its' place,
pull the heads of the tall grass, bring our lips to touch the other's face.

In the distance.
Our only resistance.

For we will never touch, except with words.
how empty and hurtful, if they are not kind and land like birds.
Lightly.

The mind begins to bend, in odd direction, a mixture of emotions, and kaotic affection, is this my mind or life, losing connection? No Fucken alarm, and no **** detection, it just swallows my mind, and creates a section, where have I've gone, With my life's *******? Chasing my mind, that has no protection, but me myself and I, are the only correction, as the mirror explodes, at my fucken reflection, now the person I see, I just lost my complexion, put all of the pieces together, and it's still a rejection.........

We’re hiding in the dark.
Trying hard to survive this.
Waiting to see the light.
I can feel us breaking.
He’s close to the edge.
I’m constantly worrying about him.
Wondering what will break him.
Will it be the fans?
Will it be the paparazzi?
Will it be the lying?
Will it be the hiding?
I despise having to hide.
I want to be free.
I want to love him.
But they say I can’t.
They say that it’s wrong.
They say it’ll ruin everything.
They make us hide instead.
Lying to our loved ones.
Lying to our loyal fans.
We give them hints daily.
The tattoo’s should be enough.
The compass guiding the ship.
The arrow through the heart.
The rope holding my anchor.
The “Oops” to my “Hi”
The bird to my cage.
But apparently it’s not enough.
They still don’t see us.
Our shared stares on stage.
The wanted and needed touches.
The playful banter that disappeared.
Ones who believe gets blamed.
The tweets should be enough.
“I miss you too sweetcheeks”
“I’ll meet you poolside pumpkin”
“And don’t forget my armbands”
“Always in my heart @Harry_Styles.”
“Yours sincerely Louis.” Not enough.
I wonder what it’ll take.
Trying hard to be ourselves.
It’s hard when we’re watched.
It’s hard following their orders.
Our dreams have faded.
The flashes have dulled them.
They’re still there but barely.’
He looks up at me.
Eyes are kept wide open.
“Please don’t let me go .”
“I’m tired of feeling alone.”
“I’m tired of sleeping alone.”
My arms are wide open.
I’ll hold him close tonight
We make promises for forever.
We remember the easy times.
When we loved not hid.
We laugh at old movies.
We slept closer than ever.
He sleeps while I think.
I’ll make us okay again.
The day will come soon.
Where we can love openly.
When we won’t hide away.
When they’ll finally realize.
We’ll always love each other.
No matter what they do.
But until that day comes.
I’ll bring him the stars.
I’ll watch him from afar.
Trying to make them understand.
Because I know we’re fireproof.
And I know we can survive.
Because he makes me strong.
And he’s all I need.