Today, I dared to set my foot upon the world's stage.
And the sunlight rushed forth, blinding my sight in boundless radiance.
A strange sight unfolded before me, a world bathed in a ghostly, whitish hue.
Oh, how my eyes endured the agonizing throes of reality;
Their gaze so deeply enamoured by the allure of darkness,
Wept for the embrace of comforting shadows.
My skin burned with an unearthly fervour,
As if I had been whisked away to the fiery depths of infernal hell.
I retraced my steps in haste, falling into the arms of a formidable beast,
Enshrouded boldly in his wily grin of triumph,
As though his feast had willingly surrendered itself to his grasp.
I had always been destined to be ensnared within the web of hopelessness,
Like a fragile moth drawn inexorably to the relentless flame of its existence.
For this monstrous entity has divested me of strength, cradling me through endless day and night,
While feasting upon my very soul beneath the soothing veil of shadows.
I dwelt in such delusion, losing sight of the truth that the sun has long forsaken my sky.
Must I wait for this fear to gobble me up and let me vanish into the oblivion?
Or dare once more to descend into the radiant expanse of the unfamiliar,
Where the light of hope may still be flickering, beckoning for my return?

I dare not to unveil the sins to the world that are buried deep within me.
Standing beneath the falling leaves, I often ask myself: Who, in truth, am I?
On certain days, I discover strange solace within my intricate illusions,
Where I wield the spectre’s blade, tormenting those who’ve wounded my soul.
An eerie smile dances upon my visage as I behold their blood upon my hands.
Fear constricts my very bones as the darkness within me stretches far and wide,
Whilst I am still oblivious to the hour and place where it will finally end.
Sanity bade me its final goodbye when I bled and was abandoned to a merciless death.
My world is now confined to black and white, for all the colours have washed out of my eyes.
To the heavens, I beseech for freedom’s grace,
Yet, how can I trade my soul for such release, when its essence holds no worth?
There was a time when I stood as a valiant warrior, bold and proud.
But now, I fear, I have taken on the character of a villain within my own tale.
My innocence is now shrouded in the murky attire of vengeance and jealousy.
The colour of my heart has darkened and is now a shade of midnight,
I can witness monstrous entities breaching the gates of my world,
So with their sinister alliance, I am sculpting my world into my own private hell.

Have I, perchance, metamorphosed into a devil?
Or do I wade in the slow currents of transformation, inching towards such darkness?
This change of my soul haunts me, casts doubt upon my existence as a being of flesh and bone.
For within, I sense no pain, no guilt, nor remorse,
When my tongue wields daggers of impudence, my words crude and abusive.
Verily, I long for these mortal shells to retreat from my presence,
To keep their distance as one would from a plague.
Is this the aftermath, then, of betrayal, a betrayal wrought by hands I once trusted?
This world, inhabited by insolent beings, claims existence as complex and full of agony.
Yet, how cunning are they, to hide their sins,
Masking the slaughter of innocence in souls beneath the veil of life’s curse,
And adorning their graveyards by weaving tales of love and tragedy in the deepest crimson ink.
Numbness enshrouds my entire flesh,
And I long for the piercing wail of these desensitizing emotions to tear my chest,
Even at the cost of my annihilation.
For I do not wish to be alive anymore because life has forsaken me eons ago.
I am now cursed, my neck bound by the serpent of coldness, its venom coursing through my veins.
Blisters mar my fingertips, and the bones of my spine ache as I hunch over my weathered quill,
Penning countless verses
In search of the tattered shreds of my sanity amid commas and colons that may yet remain within.
But each prose’s end becomes a question, inquiring the purpose of my continued breath,
Punctuating my verse with a query rather than an end.
How shameless of me to craft fireworks of art from the agony inflicted by these mortals!
Oh, I beseech the heavens for the liberation of my soul from this earthly vessel,
To journey far from this realm of demons disguised as men.

Today I met my biggest fear
My younger self,
Her sparkling eyes in despair
Asked me if we have reached there.
I, ashamed of myself didn’t looked into her eyes.
I stared hard at the ground, hoping it would open and make me sink inside.

She didn’t said anything for a moment then cried out loud.
Her cry pierced the air,
Raw and broken as if all her hopes disappeared
“I knew this would happen, I knew we would loose again,
All is my fault, I shouldn’t have dream that in the first place.”
Her voice sent a shiver down my spine, I trembled down to my core,
I looked up at her and noticed how desperately she wanted to restore.
I knew we had progressed, but right now only the outcome mattered,
We had failed once again and it seemed all our dreams got shattered.
She didn’t said a word after that and left quietly.
I was left again alone, lonely.
I stood their for some time
and then went back to study.

Brazenly in my empty room I seek revelation
i seek help and light

My God help me if you are there
and my God has listened,
entrusted me with the power to rise high in the air
but the moment was short and too false
although for the first time in my life I began to appreciate a moment,
but this was the one in which I was most lost, trampled.

I searched for more and begged for more,
God take off my sins - I shouted.

God this time gave me an answer and in a heavy voice said;
“My child, for me to really take off your guilt and despair,
you must face reality, face what is around you.”

And then an empty tear,

God, but why did you send me here then?

“My child, your path by your deeds chosen, your confusion by your own decisions indicated”.
and then darkness and silence.

Listening to this silence I sob
i want to stop, please direct me with light
but this time room was filled with unanswered questions

I sit high again
.
Higher, higher and higher

I know only one thing now,
God is his child disappointed