the day you leave is the day ill throw away my chapstick
my tears will become a moisturizer for lost hope
and each time a tiny crack appears i'll wish you would make it better
the day you dont pull me into you when you kiss me is when ill throw away my lotion
i would hope that our combined moisture will drench the inside of my thighs just fine
there is no backup plan or rebound
i've never been one to run with one ball
or to chase someone with something i so desperately want
how will i explain to my children why my favorite number is thirteen?
its almost as if im waiting for heartbreak
it seems inevitable with a brain like mine
so full of "what if" and "you know whats weird?"
without you all i have to look forward to is highschool teenagers finding the pattern of my sad in all of my writings

It is in the sun,
The rising and falling;
Both self and other,
On which we so depend.
It is all in the sun.

O woe this tragedy
Where hast thou brought me!

The environment is hostile,
The colors are so pale.

Take me somewhere special,
Some place to regale.

I'll follow thee
'til I fall weak in the knee,
In thine grace I trust.


O heavens behold!
The devil's own betrothed!

Thou burnest mine eyes,
On thine judgement my gayness relies,

So take me, oh trusted bird,
To a place nor burned, nor churned.

I'll follow thee
'til I lose ability to see,
In thine grace I trust.


In all my heart I dread,
Here is so wide spread

That many may see me.
A heinous curse! I can no longer flee.

Find me one more homely
So I might not feel so lowly.

I'll follow thee
'til I lose all sense in me,
In thine grace I trust.

I see the rain
But feel no pain
Everything is sunny in my eyes
You see the snow
But do you know
Winter is just summer in disguise
No matter what the weather might do
It means nothing as long as I got you

Don’t care about the weather
Don’t care about the storm
No matter how cold it is
If you’re here, I am warm
Oh, you make me feel so good
I just cannot explain
We can have a sunny day
In the rain

Now you are here
At last, my dear
Your love is the sunshine of my soul
You are the sun
And we are one
Without you I simply am not whole
When I see you, the snow starts to melt
I’m feeling things I’ve never felt

Don’t care about the weather
Don’t care about the storm
No matter how cold it is
If you’re here, I am warm
Oh, you make me feel so good
I just cannot explain
We can have a sunny day
In the rain

And when you laugh and smile
The sun starts to shine
No matter rain sleet or snow
The weather’s fine
Without you near me
What would I do?
Life isn’t sunny
Without you

Don’t care about the weather
Don’t care about the storm
No matter how cold it is
If you’re here, I am warm
Oh, you make me feel so good
I just cannot explain
We can have a sunny day
In the rain

Even in the rain

She was a flower,
And he was her sunlight.

She needed him,
More than anyone else did.

Without her sunlight,
The sunlight she needed, she would die.

Yet too much love from him,
Could make her heart turn dry.

The slow thumb of the base reminds me of a heart beat/I lie naked on my floor wishing the carpet was your chest/I've been waiting 20 minutes/hours/days/I've been waiting forever for our idealistic future/Somedays I close my eyes and forget you never loved me anyway/It's not hard to be delusional/I wear your sweatshirt pretending to love someone/other than/the girl I was/before I became/the girl/
I/Created/For/You.

I hate how dependent
I am on you
that a text from you will dictate
how well my day will be

how happy or sad
I'll be that day

you're the thing
that's keeping me stitched together
but somehow
you're also the thing
that is ripping me apart

and I long for the day
that won't be my reality anymore

but that also terrifies me
because that means you've moved on
and that I have also

Daddy, I have grown up and
Daddy, I have become a woman and
Daddy, I do not need you anymore
I have learned to live without your love
to starve myself from your embraces
because I got tired of expecting something
that wouldn't ever come
Exhaustion is a beast
it eats up all your reserves
and greedily asks for more, but
Daddy, my soul has no more to give
I have nothing left to feed it
mo more energy to devote to waiting anymore
I am broke
and you never came
And I wish I could have packed up
and moved on, but
Daddy, I never heard you say it,
I am proud of you
Five single syllable words
Oh, I heard them plenty
when I had gotten an a
or when I won a medal
Or when I did
something so spectacular
that I was lucky to wear your last name
but, Daddy, what about all the other days
you were only proud of me
when I made you look good
so what about my car crash
what about my fractured fingers
what about the times I broke my heart
So they weren't my crowning glory
and they definitely weren't my favorite memories
but they're still mine, and they still define me
And I don't know, can you be ok with that?
Can you look at me, busted head and all
and say, I am proud of you?
Daddy, I have grown up and
Daddy, I have become a woman and
Daddy, I do not need you anymore but
Daddy, that doesn't mean I want you to leave