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Naeem May 2020
When did being happy become such a struggle
When did my laughter start carrying tears
When those lonely nights carried another cut
Filled with anger, regret, disgust
This man with the blank expression
Used to be a kid
With hopes and dreams
Where his only worry was a nightmare
When did my life become so miserable
Rewind the clock
Take me back to when I was 6 & felt invincible
Empire May 2020
tw self harm



I gave up
No more fighting it
Knife in hand
I brought it to my thigh

Then over and over again
Slash after slash after slash...
Must've been at least thirty times....
Until the area was covered in red lines
Beads of blood turning to gel

I just wanted to feel something

So, again and again
My mind hardly in control
Can you go a little deeper?
Try again. Again.
Try. It. Again.
Watch the red fill in.....
It's gotta go deeper
The whole thing needs to ache
Feel something.
Please.

please.


And once again
Like it used to be
I've soaked tissues and gauze
In my blood
Empire May 2020
tw self harm



50 days since my last episode...
It’s not much... but it’s progress
But tonight... tonight I’d throw it away
To hold a knife in my hand
To graze my skin with it
To watch myself bleed
To bandage my wounds...


I want it. All of it.
The only thing stopping me is that number...

50 days

I don’t want to tell everyone I’ve failed
That I was weak yet again
But so badly I want to be weak...
It’s going to happen eventually...
Isn’t relapse inevitable?
Who knows when I’ll see my therapist again...
There are already scars to hide
So what’s a few more?

I could talk myself right into it

And I ******* want to
Update: had to reset my counter tonight... I’m so sorry to all of you who have been so amazingly supportive... I’m so sorry
Empire May 2020
tw self harm



Perhaps I’m starting to understand
Tonight, I want desperately
To take the blade to my skin
But only to leave a mark
A reminder
Of what’s happened today
This is a motivation I think I can talk myself down from...
In 12 days, it’ll be two months since my last cutting... I really really don’t want to give up on that progress. Not yet.
Empire May 2020
I don’t want to go to the lake

It’s too cold
I don’t have a swimsuit
I haven’t been eating well
I don’t like swimming
I don’t like being outside
I just don’t want to

These are all my excuses
But in reality...

I don’t want to have to tell you
There are dark, fresh scars on my thigh
On my wrist as well
I don’t want you to worry
I don’t want to have to explain
I haven’t had scars this time of year before... I didn’t expect it to get this bad... I thought I’d be able to hide them...
Lavender Menace May 2020
there is a monster in my closet, she speaks with two mouths and keeps dents on her wrists and feet.
The monster is terrifying, she uses needle teeth to tear through the skin of lovers. Her eyes brim with tears made from glass.
And sometimes The monster gets really really sad......
The monster uses her needles and blades to rip tears of copper into snow white skin and she whispers her sweet nothings into her closet full of sin.
Now my carpet is stained with copper and static, I can't walk in my closet or The monster goes manic.
this is unfineshed but im going to wait to fines it until im ready, feedback is always welcome
N May 2020
I wear a sweater no
matter the weather

It keeps me warm
and hides my shame

Sometimes I forget
what my arms look like,
but every time I try to look

I see only the scars that has
slowly healed but never faded,
and I am reminded of my pain

And so I wear a sweater no
matter how hot the weather
I haven’t written anything in a month, I have lost my inspiration with all this chaos happening in the world. But today I write and hope my voice will be heard.  Stay safe everyone.
Empire Apr 2020
tw self harm



I can’t hold out much longer
Every night I get weaker
From this eternal fight

I just want to hold it...
My blade
But I know what I’ll do...
I can’t see it
Can’t touch it
Can’t clean it
Can’t play with it
Can’t feel it against my skin
Can’t press the tip in
No..... you know you can’t stop
This ***** is too steep
But... I’m... I’m so tired...
I just wanna fall
Empire Apr 2020
I don't want to have to try and explain to you
The dark lines on my wrist and thigh
That I pray you will never be able to understand
Spent a long time just staring at my scars today...

It's been over a month since I last cut... doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment, but maybe it is...
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