Without hesitation, man dazzled the bountiful land
That is until – the dark cloak descended.
A dagger penetrated the art of living
Bewilderment of the minds numbed the earth still.
Those who sprinted learnt to jog,
Those who jogged learnt to walk,
Those who walked learnt to stand still.
Life as they knew was washed away
They closed the heavy doors behind them.

Eagerly searching for answers
They watched the parting clouds
Wondering if they will ever reconcile.
They watched the rain drops roll down the drains
Wondering where they will end up.
They listened to the chirping birds
Wondering what message they had to bring.
They watched daffodils break the ground
For a sense of normality.

The heart longed for hugs and kisses,
The lips learnt to smile from a distance,
A wave from across the road will have to do
Knowing; it’s not enough but
Will have to suffice for now
For fear of the unknown.

Multitudes of goodbyes were left
Hanging in the thick air.
The lowering of men to the ground
Were missed by the anguished many.
The farewell ink ran dry.

People were humbled
Their craved conversations were dominated by
The dark cloak
They grappled with new words
Lockdown
Social distancing
Self isolation

Nature worked its magic around them
They looked to the sky for answers.
As the wind gushed through
The doves flew across the sky
Without a care in the world
Displaying the epitome of freedom

The love for you Ive always had,
Left me the same time you did
But the regretful thoughts never will

The words lost from my lungs,
Breath stolen by the virus
That has yet to cross my threshold.
But the fear and the pain,
So real,
On the faces of everyone
Just trying to make it through the day.
The same day
Just on repeat.
The same day
Just on repeat.
Over and over again.

I can see the pain
Through the screen.
Connecting virtually
With people who this time last year
I would wrap my arms around
Not a second thought to be had,
And now,
Arms empty,
Heart hurting,
I can only watch on a tiny screen
For fear of losing you to my selfishness.

They say there’s light now,
At the end of this long tunnel.
But at times I am so blinded by the darkness
That maybe I’m looking in the wrong place,
Because I can’t feel the warmth
That the light should bring.

I know this is not forever,
We will grow and adapt.
Learn to live and thrive.
Relearn to hold our loved ones close,
To sing our songs out loud,
To stand side by side together,
And feel the warmth of the sun
Without fear.

But in this darkness,
Though I cannot hold you close,
I’m right with you,
Walking side by side,
Just 2 meters away,
Just 1 phone call away,
Right in our hearts together.

We will get through this to brighter things.
I am right here with you
Always
***

Eating my beyond burger with a fork and knife,
drag race in the background,
my Samantha doll by my side.
This isn't loneliness anymore.
This is just life now.

I'm not very good with words anymore,
maybe I never was.
So little has changed and yet everything has.
I still long for love.
I still want to be wanted.
That might never change.

Yet now this lonely world is one I've come to accept,
come to love.
I may be my only friend here,
but that's one more than last year.

Nothing I create is good,
but I'm learning to create anyway.
I'm learning to share my bad art,
at least it's art.
Right?

I dream of slitting the throat of the dog next door.
Someone outta shut him up.
I used to think that was an evil thought,
now I know there's no such thing.

I turn 21 in 2 days.
Math. Yuck.
I'm old,
getting older every second.
Whatever.
I will grow into this skin,
I'm sure of it.
Maybe.

I'm grateful.
More than anything I am grateful for it all.
The pain,
the pleasure,
the guilt,
the anger.

Pills,
family,
friends,
dolls.

No one reads these except me.
So this one is for her.
For you.
Anne,
my love,
my villain,
my biggest fear.

May this year be kind to you,
may you be kind to it.
May you listen to your spirit guides,
may you accept what you never could.

Growth is sticky and wet,
Knowledge is thick and grey.
May you be the light and the darkness,
the cut and the band aid.

More than anything,
be okay.
You're gross,
in a sort of beautiful way.
May you be okay with that.
Truly.




Bad art is still art.
Right?
I think so.
For now.

The World is all forlorn
As New Covid is born.
Time to frown,
We are getting locked down.

Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine
We hear your cavalry bugle call.
Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine
If you don’t work, the writing’s on the wall.

So many dead, it’s hard to bear,
So much menace in the air.
Everyone tired of this stuff,
So many folk having it rough.

One Lockdown was very tough
Having three is more than enough.
Children getting schooled at home
By parents who are on the dole.

Americans fight amongst themselves,
Instead of putting food on the shelves.
Brits have been distracted by Brexit,
Arguably a mistimed exit.

Last March I asked
Will this last a year?
Well the time is coming –
It’s getting near.

That vaccine surely gives us hope
But where’s our second jab?
No more playing rope a dope,
This chance we have to grab.

No jab at all for me,
As I am sixty eight.
I’ll have to wait and see
But am prepared to wait.

Paul Butters

© PB 8\1\2021. First two lines by Norman Stevens.

A virus appeared one day
Summer was no longer ours for fun
Walks became a thing for one

Locked inside, no room to breathe
Movies all day and drinking all night
Half the money coming in

Bike rides and swimming wild
BBQs and summer wine
We opened up again

Flights cancelled, passports banned
The United Kingdom in another lockdown
Jobs have stopped or are on strong pause

The mood is dropping, life isn't as fun
Queuing for food one by one
I sit in the window and wonder

What could life have been
What adventures have we missed
As I watch the sunrise

It made me think
It made me dream
It made me sit still and finally learn how to breathe

The little knot
you know the one
it's tied
deep inside
been there for about a year
made up from fear
sometimes you hardly feel it
other times we can't help but reveal it
hard to hide
it's a gradual downward slide
to living with the constant stress
and listlessness
that boredom brings
when our wings
have been stilled
and we are constantly filled
with hope for a time that may never come again
and yet we remain
sane but still tied
by that little knot inside