In the last of July 2021
It's started by comment on instagram
He know me from my friend
He living in other country.

We talk, we sharing about each other.
We decided to meet.

In the middle of August 2021
We continue to know each other more than before
We start to talk about our planning to meet.

Yet, its September 2021.
I decided to moving abroad in his country,
to get closer with him.
I decided to find job in Uzbekistan,
A country i never visit before.
We keep talk, we keep texting..
we keep our promise to hold on until we meet.
Sometimes..
we lack of conversation, we lack of communication..
we get bored..
we have dumb conversation..
and that's normal because we never meet.

I going back to my hometown to preparing everything to moving.
I got my first job there..
But now..

It's almost end of November..
But i'm still stuck in my city.
I haven't make my promise come true..
He's waiting...
We lost our communication..
I know it's hard to keep in talk cause we never meet before..
But
I wish that he know I'm waiting the right time to moving..
I wish that he understand moving abroad need a lot of preparation especially for financial..
I wish that he understand I'm trying my best to meet him..
I wish that he didn't falling in love with someone else when we struggle with our communication..
I wish that he know i'm waiting him,
everyday...
I wish that everything i pray for and i'm waiting for is worth it..

My voice became constantly muffled
Whirring to your ears
Becoming inaudible

After abruptly making a heartbreaking statement

I had already started to fade the more I spoke
To make things straight

there are so many things i want to say to you.

yet,
here i stand,
before you in silence.
watching your hair blow softly in the wind,
and your eyelashes kiss your freckled cheeks.

i had so many things i wanted to say.

yet,
i am frozen.
like a boat in the middle of winter,
drowning in your stormy blue eyes.

i can’t remember,
a word of which i wanted to say to you.

so i just say
“thanks.”
and walk away
with a head full of thoughts
and a mouth full of words

Your stars were blinking, and skies were twinkling.
Your chariot brought enlightenment to me.
Uncertainty was stripping my soul.
The sugar you sprinkled across my hearth ignited the flames melting it.

With a smiling face, you hid me from a rainy night.
The moment you turned towards me, I was rescued and free.
Like a scarlet moon, you ignited the fire and light within me.

The sun stays longer each day,
as I wake up to your face.

By day we create,
by night we embrace.

One full year with what feels like a lifetime full of twists and turns, tears and burns.
One full year and you’ve made your arms and chest home to me.
One full year of sacrificial love — undeserved.

My huckleberry friend, with whom would I rather share my sun-drenched and, at times, reckless youth? Always in all ways, with you.

My beautiful solace, who’s courageous enough to break through my darkest clouds? It’s you — through and through.

Who has been to me a bridge over troubled waters? None but you, no, none but you.  

And whose love accepts, gives, and forgives time and time again? No man, but you. My love, only you.

One full year of knowing and adoring you evermore each day.

Bound by my love
The wraps tied
Specifically where the skin meets
Scratchy linens these ones are
Although I knew they knew they would be
All tightly bound, save my wrists
Wrists damaged from years past
Entrusted to you
The tie slack and itchy, easily removed
If you just bound it tighter it wouldn't offend
We agreed- you were to bind my wrists
And I yours
Now you seem it isn't what you wish
Yours are bound but mine left loose
Am I to undo the rest or set you free too?

~
I cast my net
                  into the tributary

and release into you, a seasonal swim,

I give to you a mother's color,
        as you recite
        infant hymns,

                    you're a bleeder
on the days sunfire meters out its origin,
                    you're my river

free and clear from the grip

      of anchorage,

                         my river,

drifted on to wherever
                       moon wishes glister
~