In the last of July 2021
It's started by comment on instagram
He know me from my friend
He living in other country.

We talk, we sharing about each other.
We decided to meet.

In the middle of August 2021
We continue to know each other more than before
We start to talk about our planning to meet.

Yet, its September 2021.
I decided to moving abroad in his country,
to get closer with him.
I decided to find job in Uzbekistan,
A country i never visit before.
We keep talk, we keep texting..
we keep our promise to hold on until we meet.
Sometimes..
we lack of conversation, we lack of communication..
we get bored..
we have dumb conversation..
and that's normal because we never meet.

I going back to my hometown to preparing everything to moving.
I got my first job there..
But now..

It's almost end of November..
But i'm still stuck in my city.
I haven't make my promise come true..
He's waiting...
We lost our communication..
I know it's hard to keep in talk cause we never meet before..
But
I wish that he know I'm waiting the right time to moving..
I wish that he understand moving abroad need a lot of preparation especially for financial..
I wish that he understand I'm trying my best to meet him..
I wish that he didn't falling in love with someone else when we struggle with our communication..
I wish that he know i'm waiting him,
everyday...
I wish that everything i pray for and i'm waiting for is worth it..

Now we are in the middle of snow melting time
and when the snow start to melt,
it usually happens really quick.
The river are dancing wild,
and the road are flooded.
There is water everywhere!
Suddenly the  spring came like a flowing river.
And it has taken the lead now.

We have had some really beautiful and sunny days this week.
I've been out all days to catch the feeling of spring.
And it's finally time to tap birch sap.
This delicious , beneficial drink is made completely by the birch tree.
I have spent hours among the birch tree, filling up bottles with fresh sap, And listening the bird singing in the forest.

I feel like bird, spring give me wings.

There's nothing i can do..

waiting the day we meet
day by day..
i count every star
i count a date everyday
it's not comes yet..
the day i've plans..
still blurry...

pain, its like everyday im thinking how i meet you
how we going to spent our time together
how we make us feel each other.
i miss being touched by a person,
i miss to falling in love.
but again
pain...
i count how this distance make us separated..
11000 km miles away..
i dont even know how's going between us
i feel lost
have you feel the same?

My mouth is shut but my heart
Is screaming i am almost
Losing my strength
From all the shouting and wailing
The cry of my heart is
Do you see me?