Trying to forget isn't easy as a car accident
Resisting temptation isn't easy as wishful thinking
In worst times, she is there to assure; never felt so sure
Another day is a new spark for a feeling childishly pure
May I know if this feeling is something that is fleeting?
At the darkest times, you're the warm light shining
Even in happy days, you make me blind and smiling
May I know if it's because I'm just looking for inspiration?
A handful of those were swept away in the sea of sadness
No one expects us to be together; a fool's imagination
Only in a different time, we can be lovers and happiness
So I hope this will pass and continue as good friends

Amputate them from myself.
Not masochism, but medically necessary.
Do I deserve such a relief?

They multiply, and strip away time.
Their mitosis is parasitic. Alien. Destructive.
This ailment leaches from me.

So glad to see you temptation...
One of love’s demons, life’s meanings

Darkness inundates this plane.
Lone light on what I’m craving.
Perched upon a ring pillow of velvet.
Distant from a vestal white, ****** pearl.
Far from what I need right now.

I don’t want to feel this lurking hostility!
Distracts my complete hospitality.
Stalking me like a meal, I can’t show what I feel.

Not until I break down and release.
Like an animal, on my knees at feast.
Only a small chunk taken from their population.
In mitosis they’ll be back shortly.
To start this destructive cycle again.

Did i truly loved you?
Or not for I was forcing my burdens on you?
Did I saw you as my one?
Or did I saw you as the one?
As a victim whom I can pass my burdens on,
So that I can feel lighter?
As time goes on,
Did I really fell for you?
Or did I fell for the reason I have set standards on you?
Am I just proclaiming this is love that I have felt for you?
Or is this really love trying to convinvce me over?
Was I just confused?
With love and infatuation?
Is this really love?
Or am I just setting my standards on you?
If this is really love,
Why did I expected more from you?
When I say I already have accepted you as a whole?
Did I really accepted you?
Or did I just disregard those ugly facts and looked where I just wanted to?
Was I afraid because I don't want to lose you?
Or is it because if I lose you I'll be losing myself too?

i don't know if you love me
and i don't know if i love you
but all i know is that i cannot take on the
world
if i am stuck on you

so please, say that you love me
i will love you back

we can bloom in the night's rain together
we'll take on the world

Depression hides itself in blankets
It hides in cups of coffee that are seen as “pick me ups”
It hides in between our sweatpants and in between our clothing that gives us a kick of confidence
It hides in our cigarettes that we deem a social act
It hides in between our smiles and our happy voices over the phone.
Or a big enthusiastic wave to someone you haven’t spoken to in while but you can’t chat too long, you’re late for class

It hides in the “how are you”
It hides in our Instagram stories
It hides when they ask “really how are you” and all you can think of telling them is that you’ve progressed and grown and you’re in a much better place because it looks and seems like it and surely you couldn’t be going through the same thing for so long because its been years or months or weeks or days.  
It hides when you tell them you’re finally happy, you finally know yourself

Depression comes out in early hours of the morning.
When you’ve gone through every app on your phone and realized you’ve seen it all already
It comes out when you are trying to fall asleep
It comes out when you have thoughts you feel you shouldn’t have
It comes out when you miss them
It comes out when you don’t know why you’re sitting on your bed and you would actually prefer silence and not to move. But that confirms it.
It comes out when there is no one left to call.


When I say it hides, it really hides away from us and its euphoric and feels like growth when it hides.
But when it finds you it finds the softest and most vulnerable parts and it steals you back. Till it puts itself back on the shelf. For another late night, for another early morning, where no one can say, catch you when I can.

What is it that makes me me?

Am I;
The angry girl?
Or the depressed?
The dyslexic
Or the gay?
The kind,
Or ******?
The manipulative,
Or the naive?

What is it that makes me me?

Tough question,
I change a lot.
I’m all of the above
And none of the above

Who am I?

I’m inconsistent,
And a pain
And a good friend

it's hard loving the same person
that your friend loves

should i betray my friendship
and follow my heart

or

should i betray my heart
and follow my friendship