I am powerfully drawn toward and yet must remain cautions
one false word out of context is ruination
of my career, my life
wrong word – bad time – didn’t mean it
out of context - will all add up

I am weary and need to be held
2019 social media kangaroo-court will tag me
an “inappropriate predator”
my physical person has need that cannot be
expressed as or when I want

I am lost in spirit hoping to find some direction
time was when I could free-spirit my way
through just about anything
my years have found me, I recognize my own shadow,
the spirit has since left

I am torn between heart and head
strong enough in both as in body with rational ability
to decide between the two
knowing that one decision will have consequences
for the other - and others

I am alone with my thoughts undecided
your hair bundled to one side an invitation to caress,
converse and be loved
yet I want no part of my bad things happening
to your good people

It’s hard to admit
I’m this in love with you.
Under the surface, fearing
It’s too good to be true.
And you are so good
How could I not be?
And when I consider it
It’s easy to admit...
How I love you.

I miss having you around
Because you took away my frown
Even though you’re the cause of it
You crush my soul and bring me to life all in the same conversation
My love, did you know that my sea parts for you?
That I took down all of my walls so you wouldn’t be afraid to come in?
That I stepped down from my throne of anxiety?
That you were the very one that shattered my golden crown of insecurities
Only to then gift me this crystal crown of doubt
That matches my tears
I weep silently and so subtly that you don’t even notice
And even if you did
You wouldn’t care.
Don’t tell me that you love me, I see your garden of lies and the other women that have come to stay in it.
But I’m too afraid to tell you
So I fake a smile as my kingdom is in ruins

all my days spent
i'm at my wits end;
struggling to love
or to leave a friend

sprawled on the bed, laughing into the dark
with every beat, my heart lifts me off the sheets
the back of my skull is rotting from where you touched it
teeth still knocked out of place from where they melted with yours