I knock on doors
that refract light
as sketched shapes of hope.
That chimera of real and illusion.

I remember that in hospitals,
maternity wards and hospice,
doors are to be opened and shut
with gloved hands,
elbows or leaning hips.

I hold myself to a few words:
I needed to go
and so I do,
"one-step at a time,"
when fortitude warms the path
And otherwise,
I remember a red light in the dark
at 6 am in February,
chortling engine
with two hundred miles to traverse -
I was sleepy and restless
and beneath my hums on coffee breath
a seed sprouted
barbs and blossoms.

I doubled down on heartbreak
and the fertility of schisms,
because the world is shaped
by twisting plates that ****** and slide
into one another in dumb collision,
and for all we glean of how,
it may as well be on stone rafts of fate
we built our hopes.

A girl, a woman, lover, friend,
liking me more than she should.
I want to love someone again,
I know she wishes I would.
I love the joy and pain of her,
our hearts are an open book.
My wounds are fresh from this mad world,
when life was harshly shook.
Portrait eyes are such a treat,
looking up at this new man.
Simply, silly, kind and sweet,
She reminds me who I am.
Her witness down inside of me,
exposure to all my tools.
Teaching each other honesty,
we're reinventing the rules.
She has a look she can't disguise,
whenever I look her way.
Optimistic hopelessness in her eyes,
bittersweet each day.

One life, one wife,
One love, One Love.

Why one, Why one,
Why one, Why One?

      My Frustration is only matched
By my desire to be the One.

I am a contradiction to be watched
         a liar who wants to run.

from:
commitme
                   nt.

it never seemed hard to me
being what others wanted to see

i am adaptable
and i never really cared
if it was my true self
i ran around and shared

but as i got older; and also hurt
not once
not twice
but a lifetime's worth

i stopped being whatever i was
a long while ago
considering anyway,
it was all just a show

for i don't want to be called
a liar no more
only because my voice
is so incredibly sore

from laughing and talking
and washing it all away
just so i don't ever have to feel
this endless betray


because no matter how hard i try
they always end up looking me dead in the eyes
before turning their backs
and leaving for good
making me regret what i probably should

because no matter how hard i try
i will surely lose my voice.

for i always end up
being the second choice

Again and again I go back to it.
To its slimy and suffocating grasp.
It’s clawed grip on my heart.

Why am I not committed?
Maybe a part of me likes this world I am in.  
Maybe a part of me likes how broken the world is.
Maybe a part of me doesn’t want the world to get better.
My spirit and flesh is weak then who can I fight with and against?


Don’t let me go there again....o please.
I want to be led into that promised land.
What if I can’t make it?
What if I am not perfect.
Not the perfect leader...the perfect child of God.
Why am I stressing?
Can’t
      B r
E a the.

Oh the pain of the grip on my heart.
It’s claws digging deep.
It’s claws crushing it.
Can’t
B r E
A t
H.      E....

We had commitment
Lacked intimacy and passion
We lost that feeling, that connection
But I guess what happens, happens
I thought we’d be in it for the long run
Thought you were my only one
But sometimes strong love deteriorates
Turning into empty love
We didn’t cheat, only argued
The commitment was there
But we lost that attachment
That closeness
I should have noticed
The detachment
You were absent
I didn’t know it would happen like this
If only I could rewind
But sadly I just sit here and reminisce
Why did I have to be so **** blind
Our love turned into empty love
Our love dwindled and died.