I wondered a lie, it is my head.

The culture within me seeks solace in
substance, and I wonder
why my mental health won't stay wholesome.

It is hard to hear that genuine, innocent voice
anymore, to hear it put words to my mouth.
My head pounds with nervous aftershock.

I was quite manic today. It is clear to me
I was not in control of myself

and would do well to seek help, or administer something
that'd reconcile with myself with
these sways.

Hatred. My heart burns with it.
How can I forgive myself?
Part of me
wants to watch it burn.
Is it okay to write that?
To admit to living
in a world of one's own

sins and torment;
A survival technique:
To look toward a dark future
spent living in the past.

I'll not shy away from
reasoned discourse, nor
should I go willingly into my pain
thinking it'll save me.

The next day I took a single milligram
of 4-chlorodiazepam.

Please just
Don't walk away                                                              
Please just
Don't say goodbye
Just walk by my side
And smile
Let me see the stars in your
Beautiful eyes
Just kiss my cheek
And walk with me
Your hand in mine
And my hand in yours
For as long as we like
We don't have to care
What anyone thinks
Run your hands through my hair
Kiss my lips
Try not to put our lipstick everywhere
Hold my hand
We're happy together
Even if it ends today
Or goes on forever

Hands in my pockets
with a jazzed overtone
Strolling a swagger

If I were a cloud drifting through space
I would never feel scared or out of place
I would float for days high in the sky
I would never need to question why
the sun would shine bright and I would glow
for all people to see far below
and when the rain came I wouldn't care
as it was tears of joy I tried to share.

Another me
There was another me
But not the better me,
But so carefree,

A better me,
That’s who I am today,
So secluded that I may be
A better me,

I brought
Happy go lucky joy,
To many,
You might say I was a golden boy,

A better me,
That’s who I am today,
So secluded that I may be,
A better me,

I can’t be the madcap
I used to be,
Simply,
I would not wish to be,

A better me,
That’s who I am today,
So secluded that I may be,
A better me.

flower to flower
love seeks love, exploration
frolick in the sun

when they told me:
Guard your spirit
i laughed, frilly manner
listless with decision
a water lily bobbing;
eager to cut my anchor and drift
Sinking
Sinking
drifting into deep

depth swallows my yellow.