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ItxNotTrixh Nov 2021
Hell is here
        And here
        And everywhere you don't want it to be
You cut to the part of the play where we see Rome burning
        YOU: Sisyphus! Here is your rock!
        ME: Thanks, I thought I lost it!

I hit pause.
Up I go and down I come a
        Merry-go-round that throws up red water
        Free as a stallion
        Free as a show pony

                 Running running running—

You pull me back into the auditorium
        With a thought unheard in an unclean
        Chalice I can't help but drink from
Water from my head filling the crevices that are
Hidden deep
                Deepest and—
Cue the [crash]! and [burn]!
       (Ha! Get it! You’re burning in hell!)

That’s all this is, isn’t it?
       A carefully scripted (comedy) tragedy by a (God) Devil.
I read the script again.
You’re drowning in the fire of your sins
"Condemned by the Father you once loved
Like an unfulfilled prayer
Gathering dust in hell."
I throw it in the fire.

        Running running running.
some background to perhaps understand the poem: so i made the mistake of reading Fear and Trembling by kierkegaard and went through an existential crisis. kierkegaard basically argues that all that we do in life—all our hobbies, exercises, day-to-day activities—are simply things we use to ignore and keep us ignorant from the fact that life ultimately has no meaning from an individual standpoint. nothing matters. This isnt a new idea that i didnt know about before or anything but idk reading his work just shook me. and so i made this poem alkdsjfh so uh yeah aslkdjf just a small background
ItxNotTrixh Feb 2021
she gives her hands
     but shes still left with her head
she gives that too
     but shes still left with her heart
she gives her heart
     but it still hurts like hell
so she gives herself
     and now there's nothing left
     to give.
i actually wrote a poem called “toss” a while back and its basically this poem but instead of the word “give”, it has the word “toss”. the poem always sounded a bit off to me so i decided to change that one word, toss, and now it feels like a whole new poem sheesh. the power of words amirite ?
ItxNotTrixh Aug 2020
i love you tonight
like how the knife loves skin
cruel and rough
sharp and
     piercing when
i kiss your raw lips
my cool steel words brushing your
ears like an unfulfilled prayer, getting lost in between the sound of
loud crashing against jagged rocks and
overcome by the wind and waves
but soon i drown in your blood when i finally pull out of your heart, in the mess that i made
with the whisper:
“i love you”
ItxNotTrixh Jul 2020
are we all just broken people
trying to fit our broken pieces together
to make each other whole?
tell me
because i dont think its working.
we’re just falling apart
faster than before.
ItxNotTrixh Jul 2020
she's drawing constellations
with the memories in her head
trying to trace them back
back to where it all began
Was it the first star off north ?
or the just right of Sirius ?
or was it the day she stormed out
and hid in the bathroom stall
tears like lava hitting the pale marble floor the way the rain was pounding on the pavement outside
wishing the clouds would go away and the year-long storm would cease ?

or maybe she's just thinking too much ? not thinking enough ? how can she think the right amount when time is endless and she's lost to infinity ?

she tries to line it up but there’s too many threads and she’s split at the end so now
she’s just back where she began
back to the silence
back to the night
back to lining up the constellations of memories
in her head.
not my usual style... trying something different b/c im feeling different today :/
ItxNotTrixh Jul 2020
the way you smelled
the way you laughed
the way you felt in my arms
but i will never forget the voice that whispered in my ear for the first time:

“i love you”
ah. emotions. ah. its cool tho.
ItxNotTrixh Jul 2020
one final time
before i have to let you go ?
because simply grazing your
skin would be enough
to douse the fire in my chest
that hasn’t stopped burning
since the night you left.
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