the things you'll do after emotional abuse.
They try to love you, you run.
They try to get close to you, you push them away.
They try to break down your walls, you build them higher.
And when you realize, that you are in fact all alone..
after everything's said and done..
and that emotional abuse from the past shows his face again:
you begin to self-destruct.
Crying, sobbing,, you just want to be held
but to scared to be.
Trust issues and depression begins to define you.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
& you continue to spiral,
dying inside a little more every day
until you're in your dark room, all alone once again,
and that razor blade
pretends to be your friend.

there is a point where
some brokens
can't be fixed

My friends Dad died.
I played the whole thing off
like I couldn't care less
but I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry that nothing I say or do
will help you.
I'm sorry that bad things happen to good people.
I'm sorry that you got brought into my break down,
but mostly im sorry
that I can't deal with sadness or death
and I left you alone
in the black hole that is grief
and let you drown.

Don't you think it's a little early for a breakdown?
Holed away in your basement bedroom
Lying about your mental age
And downing bottle after bottle,
Stolen from your parents' fridge.
Isn't this a bit too much?
And a bit too late?
It's been three weeks and you're choosing to feel it now?
Pick up that shovel and head outside,
We have work to do.

The sighs are the silent laments of the heart
As the heart is being crushed in a clenched fist
Slowly squeezing out all the love it can hold
Constricting the flow of life through the veins
Slowly, the mind goes into a partial coma
As the numbness spreads all over the body
Bereft of all the reflexes, to react and fight back
In a vegetative state, the slacking body lies there
With only outside support to keep you alive
But you are controlled by the sinister supports
Barely surviving, and on the brink of death
Slowly the laments of the heart die, with a sigh*





© Amitav (Radiance)