...Pains...
...Cracks...
...Breakdowns...
...Broken...
...Shatter­ed...
...Destroyed...
...Gone...

When a storm hits inside me
it is not to be contained by the walls of my timid flesh.
Violent winds send tremors
down my spine and through my extremities
with the strength of tornadoes  
that rip houses from their pastures.
Tsunamis of salt flood and sting
the shallow pools on my face  
followed by the fire of lightning
that scorches the base of my feeble chest.

A destruction so visible, no way to resist.

We're like machines.
We have routines and sometimes
we over work and breakdown.
When we break someone has to fix us
because we can't fix ourselves.

*But what if no one can fix you?

I haven’t touched another guy since alex….
I never really thought I would
well not for some time.
I went on a few dates ….even tried it again with alex but knew none of these boys did I want my lips to touch with. 

Until you….

I let you kiss me…
again…
and again….
and then again when you pushed me against my car….
then again when you pushed me down inside my car….
then when I said wait and you said okay It felt good.
I felt everything in my stomach unclench and every wall come down and I thought I would finally be okay 

For that feeling I lied 

For that feeling I entered another bedroom basement

For that feeling I laid in your bed

for that feeling I let myself go

Then you dismissed me….I became a *****…to dramatic…blowing up your phone….annoying you…because clearly you had so much to do that didn’t involve me. 

But each time when I had you between my lips….you had the time to kiss me over and over
you didn’t find me dramatic or ****** with your ****
stuffed down my throat
But I guess once you got what you wanted I was no longer something you wanted to deal with…