but I don't know how to
in a world where
not having money
is just another way to be dead

try to be productive, but it's
hard to come up with the energy when
the only gift I may possess, my
words cut like a razor's edge and
leave me bleeding

with every negative thought,
another laceration


worthless,

lazy

(my ears are ringing)

"but wait, there's more!"

now comes the replays,

all the times I wasn't there

when I was really needed

(legs feeling weak)

all the people that have left this world

their faces

( I want to curl up in a little ball)

the last time I saw them, and my

mind struggles with that, incessantly

(I no longer want to exist)

until i'm too shattered, too
weak
to drag my *** out of this
bed

the waking hours can be chaotic,

like being in the eye of the storm

I see the destruction around me,

hear the deafening sounds of the winds,

and i'm not sure which way to go,

if I was to run away

but after it dissipates, the days return

to a peaceful, harmonious state

and nights with her are calm and tranquil

speeding round the curves

flying over the hills

my ***** went in my stomach,

I spilled some beer,

when we had to slow down

for that tractor

with a plow attachment

interrupted

was about to take a ****

be it half full

or half empty,

fill it with

whatever

makes you happy


or pour some out

for whoever makes

you

h a p p y


just be sure to save

a little for yourself

spark the fire, and with each inhale,
I begin to drift further
in and out
of consciousness

deeper in,
further down
and somewhere between
exists inspiration

coming through
in waves

so I jot down what I can
because I don't remember dreams so well

but other times,

I just enjoy the vibrations
as they pass through every cell of my body

she ignites a compassion
in me that burns
like the literal sun
as I do in her

but this is only
Supernova on the surface
the union runs deeper
than the furthest reaches
of the blue dark

and as it ebbs and flows
with the moon
a lot of its' secrets
remain yet uncovered

sometimes, I'll still smoke
out of a **** soda can
just to remind me

God is the rabbit
the dogs chase, and when they stop,
Satan, the excuse