You came to me
white calloused soles
soft on dry Spring leaves,
skin braced against
the cool haze
now burning off.
You wore your naked skin
bravely, bearing scars
inside and out
shy, afraid
nothing left to give up
but simple approach.
I knelt, kissed your feet
falling instantly in love
with your awkward knees,
the stub of your ***,
the sinews in your shoulders.
It was this. A meeting
and the world was
not the same.

My heart stopped once.
It happened the first time
I tried to **** myself.
Dying felt like passing out.
...
Well, that was awkward.


-
by Aleksander Mielnikow

They say the silence is awkward
when it consumes an entire room.
But the thoughts are almost palpable.
I'm surprised no one has noticed sooner.
Thoughts of inequity.
Fear of rejection.
A concious sedation of self loathing and envy.
Faces running on auto pilot
in the few moments before everyone reaches for their phone
to drown out the quiet.
You can hear the girls comparing thighs
and hair
and dresses
because although we know the media is a generous artist
of flaws for the human form
we still worry that they are right about us.
Guys watching every twitch of lips
and fingertips
half of the room wants to scream
while the other half wants to run
but everyone is confused as to why.
Awkward silence is preferable, though,
to deadened conversation.
The ones where we mention the economy
or the war
or the friend that died last week
and no one knows if it was really an accidental suicide.
Where we paint a picture of bleak servitude
and lament our meager lots
So we stay quiet
except for the dinging of phones
until its time to go home
so that we can study for school
and get a degree that we think we have to have.
If only someone would question
just how much pieces of paper
dictate our lives
Money
Degrees
Concert tickets.
But no.
We all just linger
in the Awkward Silence.

I
Got a notice
On the freaking
Facebook
That a piece of embarrassing
Art
Went viral
That I did not
Want to
Is like Ebola
Now everyone
Thinks that I
Madly in love
With the Dalai Lama.
I am a loser.  
Embarrassing.

Like a freak
Ostrich
I try to stick my
Pretty face
In a hole
And breaks
My **** nose.
Ouch!!!
Fidget spinner!!!!
Embarrassing.


Then fumbled
With dinner
And the food
Goes
Flying
Because of art
And
Broken nose
Flying at my
Dad.
****
Embarrassing.

You walked right by me
I pretended not to notice
not to make things awkward
because even now
I still think of you

I didn't see if your eyes
tried to connect with mine
but I felt us connect regardless
walking away was all I could do
to avoid the intense feelings held

I can pretend my heart doesn't sink
when I think of you; mind, body, soul
I can act like I don't see you first
when I walk into the room
or like my feelings are buried deep

I'll be anyone you want, love
but I refuse to ever be the one
who loves, hurts, and cares more
because my heart can't handle that again
so I walked by you and said nothing