Panic, worry, darkness closing in around me.
These are some of the words I could use to describe my anxiety,
but nothing I can say could speak of its entirety,
as I cry internally thinking I've lost my sanity.

Doctors, counselors, saying there's something wrong with me.
My parents telling me to calm down and stop being so crazy.
But how can I calm down when the world around me
is spinning out of control and I can barely see?

Keep calm. You will get through this.

You will get through the sleepless nights,
all the internal fights,
and the days that seem right
when the world hits you with all its might.

Keep calm. You will get through this.

I know you think I'm overreacting about the silliest little things,
but to me those silly little things seem like the doom the world could bring.
Can't you see, a spilled glass of milk to you can seems like an earthquake to me.

I know it might be hard to understand my anxiety,
but I hope today I have given you some clarity.

So the next time someone is scared and feels like they can't breathe,
shaking and crying, unable to see,
don't tell them they're overreacting; don't call them crazy.
Help them realize there is more to life than this misery,
and no matter the doubt inside, they will be who they are meant to be.

Keep calm. I will get through this.

Because I know I am more than just my anxiety,
and one day I hope to be free of it entirely.
But until then, I will keep telling myself, quietly,
I am stronger than this. I am stronger than my anxiety.

Anxiety
Is a breath never released
Suffocation of the lungs
And whole of your mind
Anxiety
Is a clock
That never stops ticking
With the constant click,
From past to present
Time never ends
And oh darling
Nor does anxiety

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the waters starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness's grasp?
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of conscientiousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness.

Even though it rises every day
somewhere, someplace in time.
On a day in the life of Jacob
the sun doesn’t often shine.

A shopping centre is bright and loud
and Jacob is sitting on the ground.
With his head buried in his hands
sensory overload of sight and sound.

People notice as he begins to shout
his Mother scared he’ll run away.  
Some think he’s badly behaved
but for him it’s just an Autism day.    

Later he escapes to his room
stressed and needing time alone.  
A meltdown at dinner hasn’t helped
but he’s calmer now, on his own.

Playing at length on his old guitar  
takes his mind to another place.      
Where the demons in his head        
for a while are not in his face.    
                  
Eventually he takes to his bed
and will rise, as soon as it’s light.
Probably won’t have much to eat
appetite dulled by a restless night.

People around him struggle to help
he tries to cope in his own way.
On a day in the life of Jacob
it’s always an Autism day.

But he deserves a chance in life
and we must strive to find a way.
For children like him, with future fears
to be able to seize the day.

Why are we here when
awareness cites through
the left and the right
Self questions self
There is no us and them
Just us
To effect our reality
we need to
become bigger than I