After countless phases of tender summer,
I take myself away to the Northern Pole,
allowing frost to reclaim me once more.
I turn myself into an unshakable glacier —
not as a form of regret, but as an ordeal,
so that you may heal with your own valor.

Perhaps I seem unshaken,
but beneath it all, I have drowned half of my sanity,
frozen to the point of being numb and frostbitten.
Darkness nearly devours my soul,
casting me into the pale void of agony —
yet I am restrained by the spark of your flame.

You know you are the fire that smolders,
an eternal flame I wish to plant deep within my soul.
If I do not exile myself, I will keep melting, growing bolder,
for in your presence, hope always rises, never falls —
a longing for the greatest summer,
where we dissolve into one, undefeated emperors.

So even as ice and fire stand apart,
and if this exile is my fate,
let me stand frost— unbroken, yet forever longing.
No matter how far winter takes me,
I will always burn in the ember of your name.

blood rushes under my skin
as you leave me in a panic
my eyes blur at the sight of you leaving me
alone, again
stuck in this heat.
I could do without the teasing
but I see it has no meaning

It is familiar but new
like visiting an old park
where you are my new swing
and I am sitting where I always sit
wrapped around another finger

but even at this desk we are too close together
you say little and I fear I say too much
you study stats as I study the way you sigh,
how you look away when you talk,
and how tired you look right now.

I will stay because  
I feel something strange when we embrace
These funny feelings
I chase them down and try to label
but all I can do it stare
and wonder.

After everything you said.
All the promises you made.

You ran and tried to
Avoid

You took pieces of me.
Sliced them from my skin.

And left nothing but
A void.

Avoidant of the decades
I lived in your accolades
And when I left you in the open
You left me go unspoken.

My pain is yours
To be written on all your doors
For everyone to know
Hatred is the new low.

And if I had something else to feel
I'd say it's not real
This is the new ordeal
Revenge with not much else to feel.

And in-between the praise
They don't know the man I raised.

Every time he gets closer
I take a step back
I tell myself don’t ever
become too attracted

Fear of commitment makes me wanna run
Whenever I hear the word love or trust
Cause those words are hard to come by
And they like to fly away like butterflies

They’re futile lies gone too soon
That slip away from grasping hands
And they flutter up some other room
They didn’t remain, do you understand?
They united some other bride and groom

Futile lies and butterflies

Knight of the night
Fearfully incising the hearts
Of those you pass
With pasts
Of unreliable mothers
Fathers
And caregivers

Knight of the night
I try to look
At your presence
As a gift
But in the midst
Of your silken touch
And unsuspecting kisses
Pressing heavier
You've made your impact

Knight of the night
I wonder of your return
Do you feel shame
In your silence
Of naming this sweetness
A forbidden fruit

It will not swallow you,
I promise
I will not let it
For if there is a day
You feel you cannot leave
I will lead you to the garden
And leave you there
So you can grow

Someday I will return
To enjoy the fruits
Of which we loved and labored
Abundant

These,
Gifts of two worlds
Please, realize
You need not be chained

Gifts
Of our worlds
Are to be celebrated
Unshackled
From self-imposed narratives
Free

iii.
He reminds you that you may never be loved
In the way that you are supposed to
His heart opens as it should
A halved pomegranate
And the jewel flesh spills forward
In effortless bounty

Yours was wrapped in butcher paper
With care, long ago
It lives in the freezer
In the way, way back
Ice crystals form slowly
Until they resemble a silver blanket of moss

Though I see well enough
Lucidity escapes me
Left withering and splintering
In the face of change
In spite of the ending
Something writhes inside of me
A solitary heave
Railing against eternity

But I still cling
To the bits of shade

Every death is unique
As detailed as a fingerprint
I'm still not sure how to communicate
This intrusive thought, it never goes away

Please...
I need is to die knowing
That it wasn't all for nothing
That I gave this life for something

Maybe I've been too detached
Maybe I've been contradicting
Falling fast from what I'm needing
In hopes of finding something real

So outside the mind, enhanced
I see visions of my self
Inside my skull I sit and wait, pondering
If I'm even alive, as eternity
Stretches out before me, but
Nothing scratches that itch
Waiting for a fabrication to take me in
In the days to come...

I'll still cling
To the bits of shade

For a friend I wish, but one with a heart pure
For my heart was burned, more than a time or two

A wall I *****, for my safety it must not fall!
Strong and sturdy I build, firmly planted in the ground
The vilest of creatures it must hold back

Near my gate you come, not expecting this village houses one
With eyes you look in, but the curtain is drawn and you see not deep within
Lest you see my weakness and with that attack

My arms I extend: Don’t get too close, stay beyond the end!
My palms I hold out, you must know that I’m afraid
Those who came before stabbed me in the side, and because of this now I hide

A friend I have not found, perhaps to trust I am now unable
For my trust was betrayed, more than a time or two