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no,
I am not a gate keeper
and if I was
I'd be a bad one at best.
Loose screws and chicken wire
am I nothing more than a broken fence
for every right I appeal
seems to stir up your defense
why is my heart so open
and your hands so greedy
digging into my soil
why can't my words
and my hurt
loosen my jaw enough
to over ride my logic
to take that chance away
from hurting you
by asking for what space
is rightfully ours
to share.

Before long,
and day after day
the universe still asks me
to open up wider
than I had ever thought possible
my heart
for the world to be consumed
by my love and understanding
my deep and turbulent ocean
can still give
more
than impossible
and that can never be stolen
I have been having another identity crisis (during an external crisis) but thankfully I have loosened my belt on who I think I am and allowed myself (and those around me) even MORE space. My post traumatic growth is more important to me than the comfort that comes from embracing tightly onto my current* sense of identity. Which is fleeting and forever evolving.
it's never too early to pack up your whole life
of memories and hopeless grudges.
Pounds of paint
scraps of metal
half read medical books
screws and nails

I'm moving out tomorrow  
and boy am i excited
to pack up my belongings.
I'm excited to stop crying in this room
about a future that's unforeseeable
and a past that's unchangeable.

I'm excited to experience a ****** in my next bedroom
to christian the living room couch with my ***
to ***** the backyard with my hands
with potting soil and seeds
undergrad pains growing
You need rehab from me, and I’m sorry
but this isn’t healthy.
Admitting being a problem is sobering
And I hope you can recover from my withdrawal.
I’ll be busy detoxing myself, for you
For everyone after you.
I hope you remember how great you are!!
I'll be cheering you on from a far!!
& that you're better off
without
me
broke up with my boyfriend today and it was the classic story, opposites attract but they don't last.. almost everything that was attractive wasn't out of resemblance to one's self, but to the extreme differences in one another.
Struggling to want to communicate, is a red flag
I know not what I am
But I sure as hell am scared
Sometimes I catch a glimpse
and wish I had not dared.

I haven't been myself I mumbled,
it's been a short 4 years.
Yet everyday I am humbled!
to be honest with my fears!

Surviving off whats left of my self loathing
are the devilish voices that I used to feed.  
Watering my mind's garden is refreshing
and THAT'S the energy that I need!
This piece has a very surprisingly optimistic point of view by the end of it.
edited.
I don't want to be made
to feel broken
For wearing my heart out on my sleeve.
Stop making me feel broken
for wearing my heart out on my sleeve.
But I would like to thank you

For making me feel complete.

I have finally noticed

That I am all that I need.
You have pushed me closer to myself
be with someone who starts a fire
brings the kindle
glows when you are near
and brags about your warmth
not someone who retreats
when you crackle

be with someone who wants to sink deeper
than the choppy surface
behind your sarcasm
beyond the distance
and still sees your worth
not someone whose scared
by your preferences
i am washing my face
he still wont look at me
i am dancing to his music
he still wont look at me
i am timidly talking to him
he still wont look at me
i am watching him talk with you
he watches you so carefully
i wonder what he sees
when he holds your gaze considerably
dear boyfriend, i'm here too
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