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Look at yourself

Squeeze any fat you have

A pinch

A handful

How much is too much?

What really is fat or skinny?

Victoria's Secret "Love My Body" campaign shows seven svelte models while Dove's "Real Beauty campaign features an array of 'Real Women' with curves in all the right places 

Both campaigns exclude most body types and show major problems with society

One shows plus sized is okay is only okay if you're plus in the right places

The other proves skinny is king

These are the standards we set for little ones to abide by

With a small bust plus wasn't an option

So I turned skeletons into goddesses 

Prayed the would teach me how not to need

Worshiped hipbones over pizza

A tiny waist over lunch

Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness

Yet todays media forms computers in the minds of children to count calories as thought food were merely numbers

I learned how to purge from a pro Ana website when I was nine

Stuck a toothbrush down my throat and forced up dinner

Turned to laxatives at 12

Learned ill was okay if skinny was the side effect

Today I look at myself

Squeeze any fat I have

A handful

A pinch

How much is too much
Anne Dec 2018
I thought I was smart enough to know that five m&m’s isn’t a meal
So I’m getting fat again yet I still have bulimic tendencies!! Awesome!!
mal monson Dec 2018
i just want to scream at them that theydont get to care now
they dont get to pretend that they never hurt me
not without saying sorry
not without telling me why
why that for years they ignored me
no matter how hard i tried
no matter what i did or said or didn't do
they never tried for me then
not when i needed them
not when i was screaming for help
but now
now that im okay and can handle myself
they care
"Everyone wants to be a little anorexic" she says

"You know, like, in a glamorous way, like fashion friendly anorexic"

I bite my cheek and nod, pretend to agree

All I can think of is waking up to stars dancing on the ceiling

Pale skin with bruises of unknown origins

And battered feet on and off the scale

Almonds in Ziploc baggies

Bite marks on fingers

Hair down the drain

Measuring crunches by the marks they leave on your spine

And battered feet on and off the scale

Enough water to turn organs into boats

Eating an apple with a fork and knife

Desperate hands grasping for ribs

And battered feet on and off the scale

Standing and the world going dark

Coughing around shots of apple cider vinegar

Carrying an emergency rice cake for weak spells

And battered feet on and off the scale

Enough green tea to drown organs

Sugar free gum to mask the smell of decaying organs

Whatever nail polish covers yellow and purple

And battered feet on and off the scale

How many calories are in toothpaste

Thinspo blogs

Pillows squeezed between thighs

And battered feet on and off the scale

Is today the day my heart gives out

Waking every day in a new body

Fingers clasped around wrists

And battered feet on and off the scale

Notebooks filled with numbers

Purple crescents under eyes

Fingers clasped around forearms

And battered feet on and off the scale

Elbows knocking into hipbones

Being scared of your own reflection

Lies to get out of dinner

And battered feet on and off the scale

The stench of *****

Oxygen that tastes of Splenda

Fingers clasped around biceps

And bleeding feet on and off the scale

 

If this is your idea of glamour

Then you can have it
Trigger Warning
Moon Nov 2018
The lunch money you gave me was never spent on lunch,
It was spent on emptying myself more.

-laxatives
kain Nov 2018
She’s beautiful

Hold her through right and wrong
All I see is my reflection
Turn up the music
Open a new tab
What have I given to her?
My love
Don’t waste away

Heat pulsates
Skin burns with shame
I am a fire

Does nobody hear her?
How dare they call themselves
Lovers

She’s beautiful
Cast my eyes down
Staring at chipped nails and cold hands
Numb days turning into moonlit nights
Screaming
Screaming
Screaming for no one

Iron cast
She will not bend
To see her
Pale and prone
Needles and paper shackles
Reoccurring nightmares
Nobody deserves that
To come so close to dying
That would be to lose her

Tears behind glasses
Blown off the road
Sad songs and backstories
Lost

She’s beautiful
This disorder will eat her alive
And I’m scared
Because this is my fault
And I cannot save her
This time

There is no ledge
Just thoughts
To see the day
That her beauty fades
And her eyes are hollow
And jade
That is to lose her

Please come home
I'm writing for my sister.
yoshi Nov 2018
Mama said i would be okay
my friends said it's only heart break
daddy told me not to cry
but tell me why it hurts inside
why when i see that he's happy
happy without me in his life
i feel a shattering inside my chest
and i can't smile even if i try my best
Mama said thats what happens when you trust boys
my friends say he was just a toy
daddy told me not to cry
but it still hurts inside
So i tried to move on
i tried my best to smile
then i was numb after a while
my grades started slipping
my sleeping was more frequent
i turned to something to help me vent
it wasn't very practical
actually..not healthy at all
but i drew with silver on a pale canvas and the ink was red
soon, i couldn't eat, starvation was a theme
maybe if i was skinnier...he'd want me
but mama said i can't stop living
my friends said to please be okay
daddy stopped worrying...soon he went away
therapists tried so hard to get me to talk
drawing was hard with artist blocks
writing became boring, i no longer loved it
reading reminded me of something i missed
now im under 105
and my health is deterring
scars line up my legs and arms
somehow...i still believe it's my fault
that someone named james would take my spot
now mama is just scared
my friends they all worry
mama begs me to try
and friends always nag
caring is hard...when the first heartbreak you've had
is someone you trusted with everything
just leaves as if you was nothing
Lyss Brianne Nov 2018
I’ve always craved skinny,
The way other fourteen year olds craved their parents *****
I wished for hip bones that could slice me in half
Skinny was always a glowing exit sign in a dark room

Breakfast was 4 glasses of water
My organs floated in my body like trash in the ocean
I didn’t feel full unless I was empty
Which doesn’t make sense
But neither does starving yourself
Yet I mastered that a long time ago  

I still count the minutes after I eat
Food feels like a brick in my stomach
Some days I want to feel my bones more than I want to be healthy

It’s been six years since I first looked at food
and saw only numbers
My bones are no longer accessible
Most days I eat three meals and don’t think about it
Some days I break apart sticks of gum
Dividing 5 calories
Into a full days meal

Some days I want to be skinny
More than I want to be happy
And most days I realized how ****** up that sounds
But sometimes I miss the shipwreck that filled my hollow bones
Sinking organs with no hope against the water I fed them
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