Today, I found you crying on the stairs.
I asked if you were okay.
You asked me why I cared.
So I sat down beside you.
I said "I know you didn't ask for one, but you look like you could use a friend."
I asked again "what's wrong? Are you okay?"
You said "I'm fine. Just go away!"
I looked in your eyes and only saw pain and fear. So I said "we don't have to talk. But I'm not going anywhere."
You groaned and put your head in your knees.
Finally, you looked up and said "want to know what happened? Fine!
I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. When I confronted him, he said he never loved me and I needed to leave. Is that what you want to hear?!"
"No. I'm sorry that happened. Do you have any friends or family near?"
"No. And I don't have any money either."
"Alright. Before you say it,
I know you have no reason to trust me. But if you want, you can stay with me."
"Why are you being so nice to me? Why do you care?"
"Years ago, I had a friend who had gone through
a traumatic experience
and I wanted to help her.
I thought she could heal
if she talked to me about it.
I pushed her too hard
And she yelled at me.
So I yelled back.
I was angry so I left
and ignored her pleas
to come back.
Found out later she
Killed herself.
I don't know if anything would have changed if I stayed.
But I wish I didn't get angry
And walk away."

my mind is muddled mush
scrambled to eggs
from filling up on
mind-numbing affairs
snoozing sedentary sores
and piling up on couch potatoes
eating up seconds
in a Netflix solo party haze
brain over-binging
and melting in the
lack
a
daisical
days
heart restless from resting
and raging from being robbed
walking the dog
to get some "fresh air"
but the road is the same
empty and sad
and if anything
the up down, up down
stop sit go, stop sit go
insensates my thoughts more
until it becomes a
swirling mash of sorrow
and bittersweet bric-a-brac
every article, every email
strikes a match that flickers out
but if it catches a wick,
it erupts, although quick
and anger devours my body
and my brain s c r e a m s
and screeches for escape
each lobe pounding
and punching
my nerves on fire
that dies as fast as it started
and then i'm back
waking to reading to running to dying
oily and oleaginous
all my ponders
pounded back into pulp
my horrible macerated mind

She had that
******* lust,
bent and broke;
taking life hard
and fast from behind.
She had the eyes of
a serial killer,
with a splash of
rainy afternoon sadness.
I met her at the
homeless shelter, and her
soul was a
vagabond with a vengeance.
Her heart was an abyss.
Life had ****** her up
beyond repair.
No way was love gonna'
fix that train wreck,
that calculated mess.
In the end,
the best I
could do
was not
slip away with her.