I am made of stardust—
every inch of my body was once a part
of the galaxy
and I need to start to remember that

How could I possibly hate the skin I’m in
when at one point people would look up at the stars
and marvel at my beauty

I am more than just bones
and muscle
and skin—
my lungs were plucked from the Milky Way
my hands once touched Saturn
and the love in my heart was a gift from the moon

If I continue to hate my body
then I am hating the universe that crafted me
with her own two hands—
how cruel to look at an artist
and scoff at the beauty they have created

I have never been the girl you fall in love with

Over the years I’ve won gold for being
1. the girl you bring home to your parents
2. the girl that takes care of you when you’re drunk
3. the girl that hollows herself out for you and carries you in her lungs until you feel better again
but I have never been the object of your affection
nobody has ever looked at me and thought
“that’s the girl I’m going to fall in love with”

I’m perpetually the last one picked for kickball
but instead of picking teams you’re picking your future
and instead of kickball it’s your heart
but I’ve never been good at sports
so it makes sense why I’m picked last every time
who falls in love with a girl
that can’t even be trusted to play kickball?

My heart comes with a money back guarantee
if you’re not satisfied you can return it to me in 30 days
I ask that it’s returned in its original condition
but I’m a sucker for keeping people happy
so I’ll accept it broken with a smile on my face
and give you back every penny
so you can find one more worthy of your money

Broken girl I can see the way your
bones bend under the weight of years of regrets
for you it’s always why
never why not
and I can see the foundation of your forced optimism
beginning to crumble

When there are only bad days
remember all the good you have done
remember that there was once a time you didn’t hate yourself

Broken girl I promise you there will come a day when you feel hopeful
someday the sun will feel like
early morning kisses on your cheeks
and you’ll welcome it into your life again

The world is full of beautiful things
and darling you have always been one of them
cross my heart and hope to die
there will come a day where simply being alive
will no longer feel like fighting to breathe beneath water
as long as you stay alive long enough
to see it

So grand yet so small
So important yet so irrelevant
So beautiful yet so shallow
must thee live in an illusion
Or does real life leave too much of a confusion?
When night comes
All seems quiet
Yet
doesn’t the dirt seem to like the dark?

When I was fifteen all I ever thought about
Was killing myself
And how I was in love with my best friend
But she didn’t love me back
It’s been six years and I’m so happy
I no longer feel a need
To drain my veins
I can take my medication without counting the number of pills
I no longer grow my nails out
To drag them across thin skin
And maybe I’m struggling right now
But I no longer want to die
So I guess I can call it a win

On nights like these I find myself glancing longingly
At harsh pink scars
Wishing they’d hurry up and disappear
So I can officially close that chapter of my life
But recovery is hard
Staying clean is hardest
And I’ve never wanted more than to erase that part
Of my past

Recovery is not all meditation and green juice
It’s itching skin and irritability
It’s wanting to expose your veins for no reason at all
But needing to remind yourself you don’t do that anymore
It’s accepting the acts you did to yourself
No matter how ashamed you are

I’m proud of six years
Even if sometimes I itch to feel the sting of metal on skin
Even when I find myself digging my nails into my palms
I know that six years ago I could barely make it six hours
So I’ll acknowledge that recovery is hard
I deserve to be proud of how far I’ve come
No matter what anyone else may say

I have always been hard to love
But am quick to fall in love
My father called me tree hugger growing up
Because I have always cared deeply
for everything living
Expect for myself

All the boys that broke my heart
Said I was too hard to open
All I heard was that I’m not pretty enough to work for
Maybe that’s been the truth all along

Now I break my own heart to save them from trying
It hurts less if I’m the one pulling the trigger
So I tell people I just haven’t found the one yet
When I know deep down I’m a lock that never had a key
Nobody will ever fit me perfectly
And I need to start accepting that

Growing up my father taught me to love myself
Through thick and thin
As long as I could find love within myself
I would be okay

He taught me to stand up for myself
Taught me that sometimes I’d have to be both
the damsel in distress
And the hero

I was raised gently
My head is filled with memories of laughter
Summer evenings outside on the swing set he built me
Weekend mornings filled with princess crowns
He allowed my mind to roam wherever it found inspiration

And as I grew he grew with me
We learned how to face life together
I never had to deal with a problem alone
And even when I decided to
I knew he would always be there
To catch me if I needed him

My father has always been an angel
I’m blessed to know unwavering love
My childhood was filled with warm smiles and soft embraces
Even in adulthood I’ve never known anything short of respect
And care that knows no bounds

Thanks to my father I’ll know how to love my children gently
When the time comes for me to be a mother I know I’ll be ready
Because my father taught me best
And I hope to show my children love
The same way my father has always shown me

Archive that text message
and print out that photo.
Tomorrow isn’t promised
and the future is unknown.

So be a collector of moments
and always hoard the keepsakes.
They’re not just meaningless accessories,
but tangible smiles or heartbreaks.

Movie tickets and keychains,
birthday wishes, and card games.
Photo albums and Summer rain,
love notes and paper planes.

The people in those memories
will come and go over the years.
But they'll be remembered in the saved
tokens of the past or in your nostalgic tears.