i look at you. and my heart breaks. it breaks and it breaks and it breaks and it breaks. you shatter it and you have done nothing wrong but here i am. bleeding and weeping at the very sight of you. you. you who have always remained true to yourself and others. you who grips kindness and strength and authenticity and love and intelligence to your breast because you would never bear to let such treasure slip through your fingers. you would never bear to succumb to the woes of this world. despite your past. despite that this world has been anything but kind to you in gifting to you depression. anxiety. guilt. anger. and you painted a much more vibrant world with all of the grit blood sweat and tears this one drained out of you. you looked at something that was deemed ugly and you found it beautiful. when a celestial body crumbled in on itself you took the broken pieces it left behind and you molded something new. you hung the moon. you made gold out of rust. grew flowers from cracked dry infertile land. made promises and broke and kept them all the same because you are human and you are beautiful and it breaks my heart. you break my heart. i ache and i ache and i ache at the mere thought that you may ever think all that you do is not enough. that you may ever think you are not enough not worthy not beautiful not wise not enough not enough not enough. don't you see that you are more than any sane human being could ask for. you take your pain and compose from it a beautiful melody. heart wrenching verses mournful refrains choruses echoing with anguished tears and minor keys tug at my heart strings the same way you manipulate the strings within the belly of a grand piano. you play and you play and you rip words from our throats and finally we can breathe and finally we can breathe and finally we can breathe and thank you for giving me a sanctuary thank you for giving me air to breathe for giving me a place to call home for giving me something to love for giving me life. life in its most beautiful form. you. you are my life and i am devoted to you and my heart is breaking. you smash and hit and beat and shatter and break my heart you rip it to shreds and then with a few tinkling piano notes hushed words spoken in your mellow honey voice you fix it you fix it you fix it you fix fix fix it. and i am yours. yours no matter how much heartache i live through. because i am able to live through it. because of you you you you you. you. you are my first love. my love. you are breaking my heart.

I could tell you were different from the others when the teacher said your name
you blushed so red I thought maybe if I bit into you you'd taste like raspberries.
and maybe it's that I did want to bite into you, even if you only tasted of ashes.
But I could tell that you wouldn't, you weren't like the people in my neighborhood.
They were all hard edges and hands that dig into cotton sweaters to pull them into the pool, and you were the flower that only blooms in the morning. You were the fireflies that scattered when I turned on a light.
Your finger nails were always bitten right to the stub, and there were song lyrics in permanent marker on your forearms.
"You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins"
maybe you realized you were describing how I felt about you, but probably not.
You didn't see any good in yourself.
I guess it must have been hard to, when people had always been plucking your petals.
I wanted to put you in a glass case in the highest tower of my castle.

I had been shaped by my environment into gnarled branches reaching for the sun. I had a soft spot for people that reminded me of clouds.

We were both tattered at the edges and so lonely.
We had been looking for each other all along.

A swaying
     wheat
          field
               fills the frame,
refusing to be overlooked in all its vastness.
Coarse,
     golden
          grains
               caress her skin,
giving off the same sensation as a kitten's kiss.
Her
     tightly
          bound bun,
                now loose and messy,
free brunette strands from their prison.
An
     old,
          abandoned house
               contrasts against the salmon sky,
craving to be explored by a curious soul such as herself.
Please
     come
             *in.

Like morning coffee
you wake me up.

Your warmth
inviting enough
to fill me up

You’re the caffeine
to my sloppy soul

You’re the boost
fueling my steady slow brawl.

my love,
the universe has loved you the most,
she had put all the stars in your eyes
all the sunshine in your smile
and all the moonlight in your skin;
you're beautiful.
and i hope you're aware of that.

You don't see what I see.
A beautiful human being whose body I'm eager to explore,
because a body like yours is one that I adore.
As we wake up next to each other, I see the sunlight dance off your skin begging me to come in.
Let me in.
Allow me to explore and feel every surface and crevice of your body.

You are Light, You are Truth, You are perfect and good. So here I come. Here I stand. Humble and broken. I fall down with my face to the ground. You lift me up, take me in, and wrap me in your arms of Amazing Grace. I cry to you, I crawl to you, I fly to you, Jesus help me give my all to you. Who am I that you should know and love me; one so small and weak. If I will be still and listen I hear you speak Body and blood, broken and shared, poured out and spilled: surround me. God of creation use me, work, move and live in and through me. There is love, there is beauty, there is love in the sacrifice, and while unworthy, you gave your life, deemed us worth the price: all so we could live in love and communion with you for all ages. We will dance and sing and shout for joy. The old will pass away and we will be made new. One day, all will be made clear, but sometimes I'd like a little clarity down here! Mary, our Lady of the Blessed Sacrament, lead us to your son our Lord. Hail, full of Grace! The Lord is with you! Hear and intercede for us that through you, we may obtain some of this Grace for ourselves. Holy Spirit, bond of friendship and of love, let us be open. Rain down your love and truth upon my life. I hunger.

Prayer for Peace

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus have mercy on us. Forgive and heal us, especially in the Holy Week leading up to Easter. We have fallen so far and turned away from you. There is so much death and suffering and sorrow. You know this pain intimately. We need you Lord more than we realize or care to admit. In your perfect love for us you gave us free choice and we need to accept the consequences for our choices good and bad. There are so many innocent and faithful who are suffering as a result. Take pity on them Lord and have mercy on us all. Lord let all be done according to your will not mine, but I would ask that through the intercession of your mother, Our Lady of the Blessed Sacrament, through your Most Sacred Heart, the heart of the father Joseph, God the Father and by the power of the Holy Spirit, you would show this world a sign of your love. I pray that as the sun rises on Easter morning in the fulfillment of the hope of the Resurrection and new life that we would have hope and peace. Send your Holy Spirit to fill our hearts and flood our lives and move us to act with compassion and understanding toward all of our brothers and sisters in Christ and every one we come in contact with. Be with us always Lord help us to love one another and you as you first loved us.

I ask this and all things with confidence to the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus and through the intercession of Mary our Lady of the Most Blessed Sacrament and Joseph her most chaste spouse.

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. AMEN

I was looking forward to letting
my hair fall from my shoulders and
spill and curl along the pillow
with such lithe, you would swear to me
that you saw dark lily and poplar
bloom from my tendrils.

and you would have showed me
how your demons had twisted your back
and placed it backwards, forgetting
you weren't a contortionist, asked
of me to push the knots out,
and in melting curls of words,
slurred to me a string of purrs

coated in breaths of gin, how the light
catching my face from the ceiling fan
in the motel room makes going away
feel a little sweeter than you expected,
but it's the feline-like grin I give when
I am trying to be cheeky but meek
with my hands contouring your lumbar,
that gives your spirit a little more life.

and there's a chance I would have
scraped the pride from my teeth,
tilt my head over the end of the bed,
and let you eat my heart
out from my mouth,
had I learned sooner that
even the hungry for adoration
have to feed it, too.