some days I look at my wrists and see the almost invisible scars that hardly show but are still there.
it's funny how something that is only triggered within a moment will stick with you for the rest of your life.
it's like a mark telling you, look what you've overcome.
but at the same time
it almost looks inviting.
hey! one more scratch won't hurt..
right?

but what is it that makes me hurt so much that I need to see and feel the pain in some other place than in my head and my heart?

why am I still broken?
is it him? is it them? is it the rumors and the reputation? is it the broken love and the broken heart? is it the longing for home?
I'm broken
and I don't know why.

I want to blame it on him but I'm the only one to blame.
it's all on me
me.
me.

I wonder if people can see my scars.
do they notice them when my arms get red and they stand out like white stripes?
what do they think?
I hope that they care
but who am I to think that they care?

does this stigma define me?
what defines me?
should these lines really be considered stigmatic?

right now it's me against the world
and whenever I look at those scars
that's why I feel a trigger

because when it's you against the world, you feel alone, ashamed, misunderstood, sad
sad.
sad.

Sometimes
Sadness is strange
It can come along
So quietly
You don't realize
The heaviness
Of your own heart
Until you
Try to lift it
And find that you've
Somehow
Lost your strength

she hates me.
she doesn't know me.
she took him away.

her eyes are brown but they're tinted green with the scales of the monster that lurks beneath.

her fingernails are short but they grow sharp into claws and take him away from me because of the green monster that lurks in her fingertips.

her words are sweet but they cut me with the teeth of the green scaled monster that inhabits her tongue.

and he lets her.
and he lets her.
and he lets her.

I watch the chatter of long time friends
The jealousy's blooming
It will never end
The thing that's always been there that refuses to let go
This ***** named jealousy is the only friend I know.

You are like
Smoke between
My fingers,
Like drops of
Liquid gold,
A love that my mind
Knows so well
But my hands
Can never hold.