"What happened to the girl I used to know?"

She's still here. She will always be here. I still love pickles more than eating a regular meal. I still love watching Coraline even though I've seen it 67 times and I still cry when she finds the 3 lost children soul. I still draw like I'm in grade 5. I still read Doctor Suess books for inspiration because he was a genius, yeah I said it. But people have to grow up, things become hard and complicated. One day you're going to a sleepover then waking up to a call that your dad had a heart attack and has died. Then you blink and you're starting at him while he's laying there in a coffin while your mom has buried her head into his chest crying and crying Because she has to lose the love of her life today. While your grandmother is rubbing her back because she has to say goodbye to her son today. Do not ask me "what happened to me" I am only 16 and I have to worry about my mom not falling apart and I have to teach my brothers things 16 years shouldn't have to teach younger children. You do not get the right to ask me anything because I am trying my best and I am sorry I haven't been able to feed your ego lately.

to whoever loves him next:

1. he always refuses to believe that he has beautiful hands. hold them as much as he lets you and don't let him forget it.

2. when you have an anxiety attack or simply just a bad night, he most likely won't try to help you. this doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

3. remind him ever day that he sounds like wind chimes in a blizzard.

4. he acts much older than he really is sometimes. this will trick you. when you get mad at him for doing something stupid, remind yourself how young he is.

5. he likes it rough but please be gentle with him.

6. when he gets so angry it looks like there's fireworks shooting from his fists, do the opposite of whatever he tells you. he'll melt into you soon enough.

7. on the nights where he refuses to let you touch him, keep far away. trust me.

8. don't ever let him see how sad you are. he'll leave.

9. on dates he'll ask other girl's their names. ignore it and remember you're the one he's with.

10. if he doesn't feel like hanging out, don't ask him twice.

11. do not ever, ever take him for granted, no matter how young he acts or how many times he throws his fist at the wall. he is so ******* beautiful and you might not realize it until you lose him.

12. when you lose him, you will cry, you will try to die. everything inside of you will shrivel away.

And this is what I'd say to the next girl:

Don't get close enough for him to tell you you're worth something.

Because at some point, the roles will be reversed
And you'll be left wondering what he's worth

And the only message you'll hear is silence.

But maybe this is a lesson in how not to hate someone who doesn't hate you, doesn't love you, doesn't care.

Because this is what he's taught you: that you are only worth his time under certain parameters.

He'll love you more than he loved me because with you, you're perfect. Being your everything it's the greatest thing he can give to you.
                                    
I just want to say a few things, I want to tell you how lucky you are because you and him? You may as well be a perfect match and with that I want you to appreciate him. Appreciate his presence because girl, that's what I'm longing for. Show him how much you care and how much you admire him despite his imperfections (I tell you though you'll find beauty in them too)

I could never compare to you. The way he looks at you, it's much more meaningful. You are the sun, moon, stars that give him warmth when it's cold. When he thinks of you he just can't help but smile because you are his sunshine, something to look forward to everyday. You will be gravity that holds things perfectly in place, you will be his queen. All the things I never was and never could be will be you.
You will be his Juliet,
his Cossette,
his Elizabeth Bennett.        
And I
Will be no one.

Take care of him, love him with a love greater than mine. If you can.

Sincerely,
The girl he loved before

Why Mom?
Can I just ask, why?
What did I do to you to deserve this?
You say you love me but this is not love.
This is not love.
Love is not hitting me in the face.
Love is not hitting me anywhere.
Love is not yelling.
Love is not cruel words you say to me.
Love is not physical or emotional abuse.
Love is not alcohol.
Love is not drinking by yourself in your room.
Love is not drinking with people who use you.
Love is not putting alcohol above all.
Love is not putting alcohol before me.
Love is not supposed to create hate.
Love is not abuse.
Why, Mom?
I'm begging you to stop.
I'm on my hands and feet begging.
Please, Mom.
Stop drinking.

With all my heart:                                
                          ­          x      x            x       x
                                 x                 x                  x
                                   x          I      Love       x
                                      x          You           x
                                          x        <3       x  
                                               x          x  
                                                  ­   x

1.** You can't be good at everything.
2. Someone will always care for humanity, when everyone else have given up.
3. Not everyone will love you.
4. Words can feel like daggers.
5. Romanticizing pain won't make it hurt any less.
6. Hating your father won't change him.
7. You're worth more than just a ****** being.
8. Perfection is an unreachable goal.
9. Not everyone is out to get you.
10. Trusting someone doesn't mean there's a lower risk of them leaving you.