you know when you miss someone so much
it’s like tsunami tides washing over you
and it almost hurts to breathe
you just stand there, not knowing what to do
overcome with emotions that makes you think of days long gone
and people that have walked away from you.

i didn’t expect you to be gone so soon—
i feel like our conversation is still hanging in the air
just waiting to be continued

i still have so many things to say to you
but i guess they’re going to have to be
left unsaid, forever stuck in my throat

sometimes i sit here with my heartache
raging quietly inside of myself
and i don’t know what to do with my hands
my chest feels tight
and i feel like i am drowning

i want this feeling to stop now but i know it’s going to take a while
so i just sit here and try to repress it
because i don’t want to let it overcome me.

She said she wouldn't date him
because she knew how I still felt
and she thought
"What kind of a friend would that make me?
I wouldn't want to do that to you."
Yet here I sat, thinking
What kind of a friend does that make me?
Holding her back from being with a guy
who she cares about a lot
just because I want him
when he wants her and not me.
Envy is one of the seven deadly sins
and baby, I'm gonna die green.

There are a lot of things I regret.
Kissing you, for example.
Keeping secrets from friends, that's another.
But mostly, I regret falling for you
opening my heart, only to have it ripped out.
They say everything happens for a reason
but I still find myself regretting everything I've done
and every emotion I've felt.
I mostly wish none of this had ever happened
but would I wish you out of my life? Oh, never.
I guess I'm masochistic like that.
But hey, I can't really blame you for all this.
*Everything happens for a reason, right?

you
hide the other
lovers in the
back corner of
our closet. found
one with her heart
torn out only yesterday.
still bleeding and
asking for you.

despite the
crime scene
i still
think you are
beautiful.
i still
think you are
worth waiting for.

i see you through
a clear window.
and you look back
from a shattered
******* mirror.

can't even look me in the eyes.
after today, i won't laugh
away the hurt.

you've turned me
into a heartbroken
cliche. i don't even
hate you for it.

The cab moved quietly
Beneath the street lamps
Pleather seats: torn, faded
There we sat, silent- content.
The driver, a portly man, hacked
Struggling, his breathing deepened
Panting, gasping to regain regularity
Quickly, his breath filled the
Confined, litter-shrouded,
Van with the stench of
Cheap cigar smoke

We arrived at her home
The driver approached slowly
Carefully avoiding the icy snow
Banked earlier by the cities plows
Sliding the van door open I step out
Still holding her hand, the night air
Enters my lungs, sobering me
Just for that brief instant

Hastily, she leans in
Without hesitation, I meet her
Ambitious advance, reciprocating
The kiss is brief; I’m no longer cold
Her lips are warm and soft against mine
Retreating, she smiles. I gently brush her hair
Behind her ear unveiling a dark brown eye
My glazed, drunk, stare meet hers
Her grin, now beginning to fade
She looks down in confusion

I sense the cab driver behind me
Growing impatient he lights a cigar
Before turning away she whispers night
Her hand lets go of mine; our fingers part
Complacent, tomorrow she will return to him
Revisiting that feigned, simulated, infatuation
The kind they falsely advertised as ‘love’
Standing alone, I’m cold once more
Keying in, she doesn’t look back

Reaching into my pocket
Scrounging for what cash is left
To the cab, I surrender my last five dollars
This pays just enough to get me where I stand
Dissatisfied with his tip, the driver departs cursing
Unsure what to make of the evening, I begin my walk
Now, not so sobering, the night air dries my throat
The chilled breeze that once blushed her cheeks
Now stings my nose, ears, and finger tips
Alone, I continue west- home
Cold, I have miles ahead
Spirit torn in twain
I walk them.

is finding out
you think of someone else
as much as i do you

once upon a time
a creature was created
whose primary skill
was to hide from view
evolution agreed that it was fine
until one day
unfathomable questions inflated
however, not all were of goodwill
these questions
slowly began to accrue
and build up
so that the creature would finally hear
their clamorous voices
with very little choice
of contemptible judgement
why is the creature so lonely?
stuck in its miserable, sad recluse
why is it so awkward?
stuck in its home of alone
why does it feign its exterior?
stuck in its dejected form
and why
do we not know
that this creature exists?
but no one knew any answers
except
the creature itself
and as the creature was set loose
into reality
and the outside world
that it coveted to refuse
it felt torture
but the creature's inward
firmly remained unknown
shadowed
by a beatific smile
and this is all we know
about this "insignificant" creature
because no one ever tried
to discern
and realise
that this creature felt so alone
and that this creature was

just a human