I sleep in a crater on the far side of the moon.
I tell tales to the moon-cats about the warm month of June.
We sing songs with no lyrics, because moon-cats don't speak;
while we wait for the pizza guy who's been late for a week.

I sleep in a tree in the west end of the park.
I stripped it of leaves and all of its bark.
I just bummed five bucks off of a guy jogging by;
he said "fight the power", and held his fist in the sky.

I sleep in my car, somewhere outside of Denver.
Don't ask for how long, I don't really remember.
I met a weird looking guy and he said "Hocus Pocus",
now I spend all of my days in the back of my Focus.

satellite of lust
stopping the presses
essentially broken
entrancing machine
never back-step
epileptic idol
old ways are dead
adhere to the lies
essentially broken
entrancing machine  
netting a good one
nearer to mid-life
fed up with the ghost
starting blank again
in a different palace
cemented to space
cemented to space
cemented to space

I fell for a boy who walked to my house in negative degrees in dark cold winter storms. he stayed with me when I had a 101 fever and held me and didn't let go in our short month of being together. The I love you's should of came sooner then they did. Cause I loved you since I laid on you and didn't wanna move. I loved you since our first kiss. Laughing in the middle of your kitchen and dinning room. Burning pizzas and chicken. You make my face turn from winter to summer with the taste of your name coming out of my month. My whole body shift turns to the loveliest feelings when you are mentioned. Maybe I found what every big screen movie talks about with lovely girls and there fairy tale endings. We aren't anyway. A fairy tale. We are more then a written love story with girls and starry eyed boys. We are match made for each other and I won't be told otherwise.

All I want is to be warped up in your arms safe and not worried about what the world has to offer.  I want to wake up to your face sound asleep and smile to the fact that your mine.
That funny fact is that I'm so in love with you scares me cause waking up alone is a recurring thing that I don't want it to stay. I want you to stay. I'm not one to look into mirrors and see beauty but with you my mirrors are broken and all I see is you. I still get scared your gonna not want me and not think I'm everything you want in a soul and that's a battle on these long lonely nights. Maybe that's why I feel like I need to become perfect for you when you return to me. I'm boring. And the same. Do you want that forever?

If you love me so
Please do not go
I need you here with me
So dear
Never leave, do you hear?

I want you to be happy
But you seem like you need new so badly
Leave but don't forget
To come back to me when you get what you need to succeed
So you can be the man you want to be

I love you so
So please darling, go
I need a smile they don't seem to come for a while
I will pretend you're only gone a mile
Even though you'll be farther then the stars

You always been the star
My hearts been looking for
We don't have to search anymore
So please go but keep your heart at my door

If family is love the why do we all hate one another?
If you're a father why not stand up for his Daughter?
If that's a marriage then why can't you look at each other?
If your a uncle why hold a grudge on a 10 year old who didn't know better?
If your a grandma why point fingers when you are no better?
If I'm the bad person then this world is ****** cause I'm the one hurting and none of you are not.

Can you give someone your whole body but still be afraid for them to touch you? If loving someone through thick and thin was true then why is that such a big deal? I'm sick and your helping. Your sick and I'm helping. I remember when the sun wasn't so bright when I looked at it. I haven't wrote in a while. Does that mean I'm happy? I only write when I'm unhappy. I'm sorry. Sometimes I'm not happy. What is happiness? Is happiness being with you? Is happiness when I see something or hear something I love? Is happiness just waking up in the morning alive and well? I think happiness is kinda crap. But I would say I'm content. I'm different then 2 years ago and I know that. I'm not better. Not worst. But different. Being happy is what I believe only children can be. Nobody's really happy. But content. Content with life. I'm not so scared anymore about being alone. It's not a fear I have anymore. Was it ever? I never was really alone other then lonely. But aren't we all lonely? Maybe. I don't mind being alone but Id rather be with you. Being with you is better then a lot of things. I don't think I ever wanted to touch someone as much as I love touching you. It's been 4 months since I've touch a blade and your really the only thing to thank for that. I think that's weird that your the only reason I won't touch one. Sure I would love to and honestly some nights I feel like I could and don't know why. Maybe I miss it. But I won't cause you would hate me. And I love you far to much. That's the past and I'm trying to keep it there. I'm trying to keep a lot of things in the past. The past is such a tricky thing. It can creep up on you and make you think of the stupidest smallest things. But they can hurt like hell. I try not to miss things from my past cause I can't go Back. So what's the point of missing things you can't have? And maybe I don't want them back cause they made me the person I am today and I don't like myself. I wish I was different though. Happier, pretty all that good stuff every 19 year old girl wants. I kinda hate getting told I'm pretty. And I kinda hate the fact that I still feel the need to be sad. I guess you can't change everything about yourself. I haven't cried in such a long time. I think it's okay to cry once and a while. Crying always helped. But I can't seem to cry and I'm okay with that. Crying is a sign that your body tried and can't be as strong as it think it is. And that's okay. You can't be strong everyday. Breaking down and crying is fine. I haven't been awake this late in such a long time. It's cause I have you holding me every night now. I really don't think a lot anymore at night and I'm okay with that. Night thoughts are the worst. Your far away from me tonight. But your right next to me. I can see the moon from my window and I love that. But lately I'd rather look at you.

I would have said so many things to you
But the words were too heavy
And my voice isn't strong enough
I managed, "I'll see you again"

We are not heavy.
Nothing in this life needs to be heavy
God was not a Mason, moving heavy brick
God was an artist, painting weightless strokes
Every second we had together was a stroke of God
On perfect canvas

The story of our lives cannot be contained on the pages between two covers
Sometimes the stories need space and more ink
She would fill an entire book

I would give up shooting stars
And making wishes
Because I had everything
And traded it for anything, which wasn't her
We all make mistakes; we all have our sins
But what would you give
To start it again

So I use my shooting stars to bless her life
I use my magic moments to ask for our life
To not be separated too long
Because that was the hardest goodbye

In our tears, I could hear
Her whispering profanities
Waves of my gratitude
For who she taught me to be
"You're such an *******," she said
And I know how she feels
How can goodbye be something that's real?
Our book is not done
There's more to be said
So instead of "The End"
"I'll see you again."

This ghost town that is my heart
the structures signify their depart
Reflecting on my sentence spent
with all of those who came and went

The lights on, but no ones home
Conjoined by roads where no one goes
Properties left overgrown
staring through the windows all alone

I know the truth
I'm not one of you
I will never be
the population reflects that obviously

Honesty my enemy
punishing me for using it freely
I wont knock, or right the bell
When the threshold emits a decaying smell

Their apathy driving me mad
a nomad constantly being had
with words so insincere
Four letter lies ring in my ears