Do you think of her
When you close your eyes at night
Do you think of her
When you're holding me so tight
Do you think of her
When you lean in for that kiss
Do you think of her
When you say I'm the one you miss

You say you think you love me
Or is it just a lie
You say you think you love me
Or am I just her in your eyes
You say you think you love me
Yet all you do is play games
You say you think you love me
Yet you call me by her name

Tell me how you really feel
I am sick of all these lies
You told me you were different
When you looked into my eyes

So tell me do you think of her
When you're sitting next to me
You say you think you love me
But that's really hard to see.

release me from my demons, take away the pain. I'm done hurting myself, and my foes. I'm tired of being shackled, iv brought this on myself. the dark shadow that follows me, my self conscious all the wrong doings I've done. how can I forgive others when I can't forgive myself? why must I feel so low are doing nothing wrong? when does a good man become a bad man? this is many little bad things or one big bad thing? Or is it just something he was born to do? I'm tired of lying awake in my bed asking these questions. my brain won't settle down it knows too much, hopefully when I'm done punishing myself I will be absolved of my so called "sins". although I have yet to lay in bed with another *****, I still feel *****, unclean, I'm beginning to fall for another but how could I even think someone would fall for such a disgrace as myself? she looks at me and lights up like I'm the best thing on feet, my words are perfect, my intentions are good, but when I look into a mirror all I see is a broken old man in tattered slave clothes with nothing to offer anyone. if she only knew how I looked at her, the pedestal I've created, she wouldn't look at me the same she would probably walk away like everyone else. so I ask again so politely release me from my demons, please release me from myself.

**** I miss you, why have you left? What have I done? This is surely a blown chance at romance and happiness. I cant help but regret the mistakes iv made. The time machine couldn't get here soon enough. I miss you, ****** I do. Just to talk to the real you, deep down inside I know you feel it too. I cry out, over and over in my head day to day... replaying the things iv done wrong... maybe it wasn't just all me, maybe you had mistakes too? Thats what helps me finally rest my head at night... lying to myself about you. Why cant I just have what I want even if I made a mistake or two? Why must my hope life be miserable due to my trouble some youth...

Would if I could.
I love her, but can never have her.
She wanted the cliche lifestyle house, kids, settle down... I wanted to do what I want when I want... and now I do. She found some one to give her an ivory tower, as I sit and  watch her, would like nothing else but her. Shes not happy, I can see it in her eyes. And she can see no matter how much strange I get, money/ cars I have It wont be enough to fill the void of unhappiness. Strange isnt it? We both wanted things when we were with one another and now we have what we wanted and all we want now is each other... life is just a fickle ***** like that... you ask and shall receive... but for a price. I wonder if she still thinks about me like I think of her? I wonder if she sees that Im close by to protect her whenever she needs me... its make believe I guess. Hunny I would if I could, but your untouchable now.

she was different, so he liked her. he wasn't by any means ordinary so she grew on him. he loved her with every breath he took, even down to his last...and she knew it.he can never really have her, the love that is, another possessed it.so he protected her without acknowledgment she didn't even know he was there. he watched her for nothing in return. her living was more than enough. her memory would just break him if she wasn't here. But the day came... When her and the one she love past... He broke. You he fell just like the girl he loved. No matter the protection, safeguard he tried... It was going to happen. Not a day goes by he doesn't think about her. Her memory is all he's got, till that fades with age and death. He won't, couldn't love another, like he did for her. Thought about her often and with her memory came happiness... For the time when he could hold her when they were young. Play like children and laugh together. Every time the memory ends the same way, one tear, a wipe of the hand, breathe in, out, and keep moving forward. He looks happy, beautiful, because he lived with love, although he couldn't hold her, he loved her. That's what matters to him that's all he needed to live.

As I drown in a sea of *****, I reach for love with every breath. But when I had love I missed the woman and awkward mornings, I crave so very much. The grass was greener but after I stopped giving it the emotions and fuel to be green it died like the relationship I got out of. I want what I cant have. We are so tech prone I can get a girl like I can get pizza... one call and 15 mins later I have some hot piece at my door ready... without any effort.  Why try? Why do dates, hold hands, love? When I can feel all those emotions in one night cuddle if need be and not worry about fights or drama... but I still seem empty inside... am I really my own worst enemy? Is my Achilles heel inside? My heart, only touched by ones I can barely choose to let close? Or is it all just noise.