I thought humans learnt from their mistakes?
Perhaps I'm the exception to the rule?
One would think you'd learn not to put so much trust in others,
In the end.... They'll abuse it.

When my best friend turned around and stabbed me in the back,
Hacked into everything I knew, everything I owned and used it all as blackmail against me, I thought I knew how it felt to Hurt
To feel genuiene Anger towards someone.
I of course was wrong...

Now, couple years down the track, I put too much trust into someone I now know I should never have. He turned around and stabbed me in the back and broke me. I though I knew how it felt to be Crippled
To feel like everything inside me Shattered
Single handedly ruined me and my life, shattered my trust in people and when there was no one there to support me... I fell deeper into the abyss. I sought refuge and support from the people I still held trust and faith in
They too abused my trust in them and broke me further, By now my pieces are too small to fit back together.
A shattered mine and a crippled soul but...
Everyone has problems. Everyone is hurting right?
I shouldn't complain, shouldn't tell you my problems because they're not your problems and why would you want them?
That's absurd

No matter what I say anymore, it is with an ill will
No matter what I do anymore, it is with an ill will
No matter how I feel anymore... it carries with it an ill will...
I am nothing but what people tell me I am
I can't begin to list how others make me appear anymore than I can begin to list how I appear in the mirror...
There is no thinking positively
There is no "It gets better"

When you're me...
...Even the saddest of emotions turn to anger.

“What’re you up to?” His simple text said.
“Just eating cereal and lying in bed.”
“What if I was with you?” he responded with ease,
“I guess I’d get more cereal if I please.”
And that’s when he said it, that simpering lad, that stupid response that makes all of us mad.
My mind filled with dread, with a twist in my gut,
I picked up my phone and read: “Haha, and then what ;)”

"And then what?!" Shocked by his assumptious pleas,
"Leave me alone, I'm begging you please."
And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse,
He muttered those three dreaded words.
Yes, I kid you not. That little *****.
I opened his next message that read "Pic 4 a Pic?"
I then retorted; "No, don't send your unsolicited 'pics', I surely can see past your little tricks."
And that's when things took an alarming switch.
The boy with a wounded ego replied, "You're just an ungrateful *****."
The very next morning, the boy put on his fedora and let out with a sigh,
"Why does no one like me? I'm such a nice guy."

When* all things have been said and done,
When together we would laugh and play.
When time is up and we've had our fun,
When you're gone you're really far away.

What would I do without you here.
What to do when I lie alone.
What am I without you dear.
What is there but contact by phone?

Why is good always before bye?
Why must this be so hard to bear?
Why among stars does you name span the sky?
Why is a great distance something to share?

Who are you without a me beside you?
Who told us that love wasn't free?
Who you are shows through in the things you do.
Who said we needed anything but you and me?

Where are you headed after departing?
Where is strength among sadness?
Where fall my tears in which are starting?
Where does one find you in thy *madness?

I woke up this morning to the strangest feeling-
I could feel you next to me.
Not your physical presence of course-
That remains unknown to me
Being, as it may well be,
On the other side of an ocean,
Atop a distant mountain,
Or in a different realm entirely,
Filled with mythical creatures,
In a place where poetry is born.

What I mean is I felt your soul,
Reaching out to me
After last night's late night drinking
In the privacy of my own room,
Come to tell me I was not alone,
Whilst at the same time saying;
"This is not you.
Well...Not the you I'm used to, anyway-
What went wrong?"

I hesitated for a moment,
Considering if this was
My own conscience speaking to me,
In which case it would be acceptable to cry,
But I knew such tenderness could not be my own,
And had no wish for such a beautiful being
To watch tears fall from my eyes.

"I don't know" I said,
And hated myself instantly for the lie.
This awe-inspiring soul, who had travelled so far
To share such a wondrous presence with me,
What right had I to feed it such ugly untruths?
I felt ashamed and hung my head...
"I hate myself." I said.

For a moment I thought you had left,
Sickened by this display of self-pity,
And my ghastly morning breath.
Then I realised you had enveloped the entire room.
In an attempt to bring me comfort.
You had filled the cracks in the door,
And surrounded each wall
From ceiling to floor,
And waited for me to speak.

I cried fully for five minutes at least,
And there was no beauty in it.
No gentle tears or quiet sniffling.
Just heaving sobs and ugly ****** contortions,
Interspersed with heavy breathing,
And snotty tissues.

When it was all over
I felt you on my shoulder
(Not my heart- you accepted, you afterwards said,
That I keep some parts hidden,
Even from myself), and then
We talked, and talked, and talked,
About everything, until I felt
We were only words- nothing more.
Not voices, or sounds, or written letters,
But just words who understood each other perfectly.

Finally, you explained to me
How to reach you, but, being a soul,
Your directions were untranslatable,
And I could not follow them
Despite my burning desire to,
So you went on instead
To reveal the purpose of your visit.

"Your soul is trapped." you told me,
"Within the confines of your body,
And I must travel so very far to see it.
It is the only part left of you
That still loves itself, and if it leaves
It is afraid that you will die."

I had never given a thought, before,
To my own soul, and how
I must have been keeping it,
Trapped under lock and key
Behind my own self-loathing,
While it yearned to be free.

So as you left I promised you this;
That I would learn to love myself,
So that my soul may find eternal bliss,
And find you in good health.

I assure you, beautiful one,
That I am trying...

When silence screams, it deafens all.
For those who listen close shall find,
Mistress darkness beckons to its call,
Seeking to shake up your state of mind.

In darkness lies monsters few dare see,
They encroach from the shadows,
Much taller, much wider than you or me,
Twisted creatures unfold and transpose,

In life there is no greater fear,
To be alone in a cold world,
Means to lose all that you hold dear,
To the point you're nothing but furled.

Mistress darkness beckons her call,
Awaiting her next victim whomever shall *fall.

Like hot rain in early autumn
A hot, thick heavy scent filled the space
Momentos of all she'd shown him
Expressions flashing across his face

A creature as fine as this one
Should be treated with utmost care
Skin turned fire that burns like the sun
Stroked, carefully caressing you my dear

Nothing lewd, if only just as sweet
A formal expression of love
Our future together is right before our feet
Love is free, like that of a dove

You are my one and only little miss
I wrote this poem about our first kiss **