if you think you have ignited
a flame of anger in my soul,
you are mistaken.

instead, you have forged winter
in a summer heart
where flowers once grew
and rivers once ran.

you had already made your way deep
into the summer,
found the heat and drought
beyond the breeze,
you had treaded lands
where no one ever has
and seen the parts of my soul
i could never dare to show anyone else,
in trust as steady
as sunny afternoons on the porch.

but you are a catastrophe—
you changed the world's climate
with momentous feelings
and carelessness,
instant gravity
and secrecy—
you have shifted the tides
and now the sun has gone away.

so in this heart,
the season has changed.
the summer has gone
and there is only an aching winter
where the snow is a million feet high
and the moon sinister,
the night is almost unkind,
but it is not angry,
instead it lingers in silence.
the air is so cold
and almost impossible to breathe in,
and there is no longer any warmth
but the coldness of a broken heart.

multicolored lights flashing
slowly, slowly, slowly
smoke from cigarettes wafting
slowly, slowly, slowly

you take in the smells and sights
of the small room that you're in
it's a crap hole, you cannot lie
perhaps that is why you're drawn to it

how can such lovely sounds
come from such a humble place
a place that makes you stink of
smoke and alcohol, sadness and joy  

I see their dark silhouettes against
the spotlights of the dim room
I see their fingers dancing across strings and keys
I see a single man keeping a heartbeat alive

he hits the drums and plays like
he's going to make the room fall apart
with a cacophony of loud crashes and
a choir of subtle tapping, all together

they play like they want the world to know
of the mess they hold within themselves
the mess that wants to create art for all
those who are willing to listen can hear it

not a single beat can ever be repeated the same way
not a single moment can ever be duplicated again
this is no song, this is no empty stream of notes and tones
this is a conversation between artists and dreamers

these are their hopes and wishes
these are their darkest secrets
things they will only ever share once
this is beauty and chaos as a whole

this is jazz

and *******,
but it’s so strange, y'see,
me always trailing behind you
in some sort of half-awe, all-daze
watching you breathe and grin and do
me in always some kinda wonder,
at every **** thing that you are.

strange that you don’t seem to be bothered
let me come near
drift on the edges of your shine
(there must be an eclipse out of you and i,
just somewhere here)

and so there is me, always just somewhere there
unable to catch up
but also me thinking,
just being there would be enough.

I imagined myself leaving
someday.  Trading
plains for seas, exchanging
something loved for something
unknown.

And maybe it's the fear
of quietly whispering
goodbye that unsettles me.
Maybe it's the inevitable
end of familiarity,
like the sun's western descent
after a day that should not
end.
And when it does,
we all pack our bags
and say farewell.

Eventually,
I will trace new roadmaps on the
back of my hands;
I will find the familiar
creaks in the floorboards.

And when the sun sets,
someone will leave a light on
for me.

i once tried to catch a shooting star
i saw it from afar as it came closer,
i prepared to jump and catch it with all my might
and i was too late:
i held on to its tail
and i wasn't strong enough,
it slipped from my fingertips
like a dream that ends at dawn

and that's when i realized:
some dreams just aren't meant to be—
but that's no reason to stop me
from waiting for other shooting stars to pass by

life is fleeting
one moment, you see her eyes
they are fighting to stay bright
and then she's whisked away

the pain consumes her body
she can no longer move
her eyes become dull and tired
but she has been trying
she tried until the very end

beautiful child
you were too wonderful
to remain in this world
that is why the heavens took you
that is what i want to believe

beautiful baby
you are a child of the stars
for you are radiant and ethereal
you will be missed
you will be remembered

this earth has been blessed by your presence
you made my life a happier one
the ground mourns without your weight on it
the sky cries without your happy grin
this world has become a more desolate place

we love you dearly, and i keep a part of you with me
and now that your pain has ended, sweet child
we hope you have finally found peace

how did you do it?

how did you catch her eye
when she was too shy to even lift her head
to look at the world around her?

how did you get to know her,
how did you get to learn of the little things about her,
when she barely speaks of herself?

how did you break into her little heart,
when she built walls around it
because she never felt pretty enough?

how did you change her mind
to stop believing that life is not meant
to be lived in your own,
when she had always been content with being alone?

how did you get her,
a lonely, solitary soul
only in love with books and dances,
to fall in love with you
as you did with her?

everything’s been a little cut-deep lately,
heart-pound lately,
teach me
how not to feel
for once.
this isn’t the first time, y'see,
that my heart wears me down,
lungs a little too full.
d'you know the feeling?
but—teach me how not to.
how not to feel every quake of every bone,
every pulse of every vein,
let it fade into background noise because god,
only thing louder than the entire world is my own **** self.
exhausting.
either teach me how to make it hush
or lay me down
to sleep.